Orange Lightning
by Lightning Ink
Summary: Darkness aproaches Mahora. However, for there to be darkness, there must also be light. The Greater the Darkness, the Greater the Light. That is the law of existance. Are You Ready? Official Prequel to the Guardian Trilogy. Undecided MSN Ship. No NAR ship
1. Prologue

I do not own Magister Negi Magi or Naruto. If i did, i wouldnt have to worry about college.

Prologue:

Negi yawned and stretched, waking up his sister in the process.

Or rather, he would have, if she was still next to him. Sometime before he had woken up, the cousin that he called his sister had not gotten up and started preparing breakfast.

Yawning again, the young mage-in-training got up and put on a shirt, dragging his feet downstairs, heading toward the smell of bacon, eggs, and tea. He had just sat down when…

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_

Asuna's infernal alarm clock went off at its usual predetermined at five in the morning. Goddamnit, why couldn't she wear earbuds? Why did he have to wake up this early every morning? Every night, he stayed up late to brush up on his magical knowledge, but by the time he finally got around to sleeping, the alarm clock went off.

Of course, he would never tell Asuna this.

Negi yawned and really got out of bed. Two weeks had gone by since he came to Japan to begin his training. In those two weeks, he had been mobbed by girls, fought a ancient and quite literally bloodthirsty vampire who had been sealed away by his father, and fought a giant stone golem, all while being sandwiched around half-naked or naked girls.

The door banged shut as Asuna charged out and Chamo cracked open the window to head out for his morning smoke. Konoka rubbed her eyes and sat up. Normally, they would all sleep for another two hours before getting up, but the trip coming up in two days would need them to pack, and today was a Sunday.

Negi grabbed his backpack and started shoving clothing and books into it at random, only occasionally checking to make sure it was clean. Konoka came by later and put food in front of him, which he thanked her for and ate quickly, returning to the book he had gotten the previous night, looking up a theory for a new attack.

The day passed slowly, with Asuna coming back at nine and trying to drag him out for a bath, saying that he hadn't washed in two days. She was successful, and now Negi was wincing every time Chamo jumped off his shoulder to get another cigarette, or the fan blew too hard on his hair.

He decided to get some sleep that night, having been completely sleep-deprived for the last couple of days. Unfortunately, the alarm clock was having second thoughts about that. At five AM, it went off yet again and woke all of them up, Chamo heading out for his usual morning smoke, Konoka going back to sleep.

Negi didn't even bother to try. He got up, used the restroom, washed his face in a futile attempt to wake up, and began some morning stretching, trying to avoid strained muscles when Asuna saw him in his state and tried to beat him up in order for him to 'relax'.

They made the traditional dash to school, barely making it on time. It seemed just to be another day in a never-ending series of days.

How wrong he was.

* * *

Negi was in the middle of writing words on the board, going through the usual motions of teaching. Asuna and Ayaka were glaring daggers at each other, Evangeline and Chachamaru were missing as usual, and everyone else was only paying a hint of attention.

He had just turned back around when a flash of light appeared over his head, a dark portal opened, the temporal winds howled, and two figures fell out of nowhere, crushing the unfortunate boy underneath them. One of them was grumbling as he stood up, the other one brushing himself off.

They were an odd pair. One looked like he was no older then twelve, and wore an orange jumpsuit that made him look like a jailbird. The other wore a suit of shining armor that seemed to shimmer slightly; he looked like to be in his late teens. Both were now grumbling at each other, and an argument broke out.

"You idiot! We're on vacation! You were supposed to turn off your transponder!"

"Well I was about to. It's not my fault that you don't make these things very well."

"It's also not my fault you're a dumbass! Explain why the hell we're about five hundred dimensions away from our vacation spot! We had two years of beach ahead of us, and now we're lost."

"Hey, I'm not the one who insisted that… wait, what?"

"You heard me!"

"Err, could you get an IFF on our location?"

The taller of the duo rolled his eyes and slipped on an eyepiece. "IFF's for people, dumbass. I'll try to get a read on our location through the COM network."

A series of random clicks and beeps rang throughout the classroom as the device tried to get a lock on their location.

"Now, let's see here. Dimension 454837XBA-C, something called the Mahora Academy. Ever heard of that place?"

The blonde, finally having shaken the dust out of his hair, shook his head again. "No. Anything on an exit vector?"

The taller of the two shook his head. "Nothing. The director hasn't seen fit to colonize these dimensions. I'm surprised we can get a COM signal."

"That's impossible! In order for there to be an entry-"

"There must be an exit, yeah, I know. But somehow, you pulled it off again. Now we're stuck here. Thanks a lot, dumbass. Now what are we gonna do?"

"Call for help?"

"It wouldn't make a difference. Unless they decide to colonize this place and completely stir up the locals, any help we get is just gonna get stuck here with us. Besides, the signal's fading. I got one because our entry portal is still fresh, but now that's sealing up. I'll broadcast an emergency message, but don't expect help anytime soon."

"Well, let's do equipment check. I've got everything I need."

"Yeah, you would, seeing as you don't need anything but food and clothing to attack."

"What are you carrying?"

The figure reached over his back and pulled down a gun that made Mana's look like a peashooter. The orange-wearing boy winced. "Isn't that your 5.56? Why didn't you bring the .50 cal or the 7.62?"

"Because, dumbass, I wasn't expecting to actually fight anyone. And this thing can fire 7.62. I just need to get a barrel. If this dimension is advanced enough to use guns, that is."

"But we don't have any money. We only brought credits. They're not made of anything particularly valuable."

"Dumbass. My armor, remember? Element scanner can detect valuable metals within half a light-year. We'll just have to make do until we can find a way out of here."

"Hmm?" right in front of the dumbstruck class, the smaller of the two figures and pulled out a kettle and filled it with water and was now holding a handful of fire underneath it to… wait. Was that cup ramen sitting next to their quizzes?

The taller figure sweatdropped. "Can you _please_ get your mind off of ramen for a few minutes? We're in kind of a crisis here."

"What?" the younger of the two said defensively as he poured water into the cup. "It's not like we're gonna be going anywhere for a while. We might as well enjoy ourselves."

The taller figure growled and slotted a magazine into the gun, the metallic clack of the charging lever resounding like a gunshot of its own through the room. "Don't make me shoot you, Naruto."

Naruto shrugged and taped the lid of the ramen shut. "Please, Josh. It's not like those puny bullets are gonna do anything major."

Josh grinned and pulled out a huge pistol from behind his back, dropped a single round into the chamber, cocked it, and aimed it at the blonde's head. "Ok, what about now?"

Naruto froze just as he was pulling the lid off of the ramen, looking quizzically at the offending barrel. "Charged round?"

"Yep."

"Ok, just one question before you shoot me."

"Go ahead."

"Where the fuck did you get that thing?"

"Mail-order Magazine."

"What the hell man? We don't get mail, we don't get magazines! And we certainly as shit don't get refurbished arm cannons."

"Now that would be a trade secret."

"Trade this!" and faster then the eye could see, Naruto whipped out a Kunai and jammed it up the barrel, effectively stopping it from firing.

"YOU IDIOT! You better not have screwed up the rifling, or I'll screw you! … Urg… that came out wrong."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not into guys. Try next door."

"Why you little…" Josh scowled, leveled his rifle, and snapped off a dozen rounds, each of which Naruto either dodged or parried with a sword that appeared out of nowhere.

"Look, we'll fight about your views later. Let's find some locals and get a picture of a possible way out."

Josh scowled again but clicked the safety and slung the rifle over his back. "Right. Now…"

They both turned around to look at the dumbfounded class.

Naruto sweatdropped. "Err, Josh. Question."

"Shoot."

"Where the hell did these locals come from?"

"Beats me. Here, let me try something." Josh stepped forward and raised both his hands. "Hola, local. Entramos la paz."

The class stared back at them.

"Hmm… guess they don't speak Spanish."

"Do they look Hispanic to you?"

"Ok, let me try French. Bonjour, local. Nous entrons la paix."

The class just kept on staring at them.

"Nope, not French. Try German."

"It's worth a shot. Hallo, Einheimische. Wir kommen Frieden herein."

Two of the students twitched slightly but still stared at them.

"Damn, do they speak a language that you know?"

"I'll try Texan English."

"Not Texan English! Even I can't understand that!"

"Der yer spenk anglish? We kome an piece."

"There's no way in hell they'd understand that."

A girl with purple hair spoke up. "English?"

Naruto palmed his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Out of all the languages that you know, why the fuck did it have to be your Texan English that they respond to?"

"Natural charm, I guess. Here, let's try unaccented English."

Josh reached into an unseen pouch on his armor, pulling out a pack of cigars and offered one to Naruto, who declined. "I don't know how you smoke those things. What are they, mushrooms?"

He scowled and held one out for Naruto to light, which he did. Josh then took a long pull on the cigar and blew out a ring of smoke before responding. "They're fungal cigars, dumbass. Besides," he sucked in another lungful of smoke. "They wont let me smoke aboard the ship, but this technically counts as cooking."

"Oh, so that's why I smelled mushroom pizzas coming out of your room when we were aboard the carrier. I thought you had gotten take-out or something."

"For the last time, they're not mushrooms. They're fungal cigars."

"What's the difference?"

"Well, mushroom cigars just get you high. Fungal cigars smell nice and get you high."

"So it's all about getting high?"

"Yep."

"And you call me a dumbass."

"You are one. And it also seems that you have yet to master the subtle yet effective art of sarcasm."

"Oh yeah, well master this!"

Naruto extended one hand and six small blue spheres formed, one large one in the middle, five smaller ones orbiting like a model of the solar system. As they watched, the five smaller ones on the outside turning red, white, yellow, brown, and a lighter shade of blue.

However, the most amazing transformation was reserved for the central one. The biggest sphere started to whirl and turn a blinding shade of silver, the ambient energy in the room jumping to make everyone sweat.

Josh whistled, looking over the spheres. "Not bad, kid. Elemental Master and Initial Guardian Rasengans in one hand. Kinda slow, though."

"Well, that's faster then your Initial Bunker Buster. What's that, forty seconds?"

"It completely outclasses this, though. I've got two settings on that thing, wide and focused. Your Rasengan isn't any good for attacking multiple targets."

"Bullshit. What about my Bullet Rasengan?"

"You can't charge it, so it doesn't count."

"Does it really matter?"

"It does when you're fighting Bijuu Spawn."

"We're not always fighting Bijuu Spawn!"

"We are most of the time. It's part of our job, after all."

Naruto scowled and popped open the lid of the ramen, pulling a pair of chopsticks from up his sleeve at the same time, and took a huge bite of the noodles before responding with his mouth still full. "Nefvr min hat. Het halk ho he loalhs."

"For god's sake. Chew before you speak. Didn't your mom ever teach you any manners?"

"No, I never knew my mom. And I said, never mind that, let's talk to the locals."

"I think they've been trying to understand us this whole time. Don't think that English is their native language though. Guessing by their faces, I'll try a oriental language. Your native language?"

"Go for it."

Instead of speaking a new language, Josh reached behind his neck and snapped out a small box, popped it open, slipped a small pill out, twisted two gears, and swallowed it. He then tapped his ear, and not finding the wanted results, punched it.

(A/N. ALL FURTHER LANGUAGE FROM HERE IS TRANSLATED JAPANESE, UNLESS MARKED OTHERWISE.)

"Hello, everyone. We come in peace. Can you take us to your leader and/or teacher?"

Naruto poked Josh with his chopsticks. "Dude. That's not Japanese. I think you screwed up the translator."

Josh didn't say anything, partly because even if he did, nobody would understand him, and second of all, he could still change it. He reached and tapped his throat, a hissing sound coming from his throat. "Ok, what about now?"

"Strange accent, but that should work… I hope. Anyway. Let me try this. Hello, everyone. We come in peace. Could you take us to your teacher?"

* * *

Nodoka stared at the two strangers as they bickered with each other. She had flinched when the gun came out and stared even more when the second figure had deflected each of the bullets. She had been the one to respond to the armored figure's heavily accented English,

Asuna stared at the taller of the two figures, trying to figure out why he was dressed so strangely.

Ayaka stared at the shorter of the two figures, trying to determine his age.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten about Negi, crushed behind them.

* * *

That is, until Josh asked again, "Can we speak to your teacher?"

Yue sipped more juice and pointed to the desk, the shock having finally worn off her. "You landed on him when you fell into our room."

Both Naruto and Josh sweatdropped and whipped their heads around and saw the feebly stirring figure of Negi attempting to sit up. They rushed over and gingerly picked up the small boy, setting him flat on his own desk.

The brown-haired boy tapped a button on the side of his eyepiece and zoomed in on the leg with the X-ray scanner active.

What he saw had him immediately reaching onto his belt for a can of Biofoam.

The armor he wore wasn't exactly lightweight, and Naruto's supplies had also landed on this poor kid's legs and back. If what he was seeing in the pictures was right, Negi had a triple compound fracture in one leg, three cracked ribs, and a broken finger. Nothing fatal, but if improperly treated, could result in several months of extreme pain.

He handed a smaller can to Naruto, who adjusted the nozzle so that the needle was exposed, and injected some into Negi's finger, making it swell slightly, but far less then what it would have been. Josh, meanwhile, was busy filling the ribcage with Biofoam to rapidly accelerate the healing process. For the leg, he extracted a piece of foil, wrapped it around the poor boy's leg, and tapped it once with his armored gauntlet.

"You paid the Chief a visit?"

"Nah. The chief's busy on Luna, flushing out Innies. Got these from Lord Hood himself. They're rather short on manpower right now."

"So jiji's handing out supplies now? Never thought a Fleet Admiral would have to do that."

"Well, they normally wouldn't, if it wasn't for those blasts that eliminated half the UNSC personnel in the Sol System."

"When did that happen? I never heard anything about it."

"Six months ago, local time. Anyway, let's get this brat back onto the table. The cast I applied needs to be removed soon or he could end up with mismatched legs."

"Oh, yeah. I remember when you did that to the Lieutenant. He acted like you shit in his coffee or something."

"That was funny though, watching him stump around trying to catch me."

Josh drew and twirled a small pen in his hand, whistling all the while. At some unknown signal, he spun the pen into the air, snapped his fingers, and traced a line down the cast with one finger, caught the pen, and traced the same line with the pen. As soon as the metal tip lost contact, the cast disintegrated and both Negi and Josh groaned.

"Damn, I didn't think that would be its last charge… ah well, what can you do?"

"Wake this kid up."

"Good point. Stand back." He put the pen away in yet another pouch and extended a rod, tapping the poor boy right in the middle of his forehead, a two thousand volt zap of electricity immediately knocking him out of his stupor.

"Wha? Who are you?" Immediately, Negi's staff jumped to his hand and he started chanting. "Ras Tel Ma Scir Magister… Come forth, spirits of wind, Spiritus Ventus, nineteen arrows of wind!"

Out of nowhere, nineteen bolts of wind emerged and surrounded the entire class, but all of which targeted the two strangers. However, the shorter one did not panic. His hands rapidly flipped through some strange motions and raised one hand with a shout, "Guardian Art, Katon Rasengan!"

With a flourish, Naruto absorbed all of the magic bolts and let the sphere of fire fade away. "What is up with this kid?"

Josh raised both hands, hoping to prevent another attack. "Whoa, kid. Hold your goddamned horses. We're not your fucking enemy. We're just looking for a way back to where we came from."

"But we could also use a workout. Do you know someone who is extremely powerful?"

Negi flinched, first from having one of his most powerful magical attacks repelled with a single lazily-cast attack. These people were powerful… "Umm… there is someone, but I think she would be too much for you."

"Bullshit. I haven't met a non-guardian yet who could even come close to us. Let us at him."

"Err, it's a her, actually."

"Even better. Maybe I'll get some action."

"Dumbass. You're twelve years old."

"Whatever. Let's wipe these locals and get over there."

Josh tapped a spot on his belt and a blinding flash split the room, which after it faded, all of the girls were on the ground, out for the count."

"Right, let's get going."

* * *

Evangeline sat in her bed, sipping lightly from a teacup that Chachamaru had set on the nightstand next to her, finally taking a huge swig and swishing it around in her mouth.

The little vampire had just put the cup down and was considering taking a nap when she sat back up with a jerk and spat the tea left in her mouth everywhere.

There was Negi, waving at her outside the window, with a figure in silver armor and an orange jumpsuit-clad kid quite literally standing on the windowpane.

Eva got out of bed and rushed downstairs. She could not wait to hear this.

* * *

"So let me get this straight. You were sealed by the kid's father, so now you can't fight outside a full moon?"

"Yeah. That's pretty much it."

Naruto leaned back in and yawned. "You don't look much like a vampire."

"What was that, brat?"

"Well, you're not that scary. And you're just a kid. Josh's power scanner could barely pick you up. Even if your powers were sealed, there would be something leaking through."

Josh reached into a bag that appeared out of nowhere, finally pulling out four jet-black disks. "Well, there's always one way to find out."

* * *

Eva took a deep breath and stepped into the field that the two so-called guardians had put out. According to them, this field would cancel out any seals holding back one's personal sealed power. This would not affect Naruto, after a long explanation about the Kyuubi being sealed within him.

On the other side of the sphere, Naruto stepped in and tightened the headband covering his forehead, drawing a handful of shuriken and kunai right after he did so.

"Hey, Josh. What does the scanner say about her power level?"

Josh obliged, tapping the eyepiece again before his eyes widened. "It's over nine thousand!"

"Nine thous- Wait a second. I'm not falling for that twice." A split second later, a Naruto clone smacked him in the back of the head. "Tell me in guardian terms."

"All right, be a spoilsport. Let me see…" Josh tapped the eyepiece again. "Let's see… Whoa…"

"What?"

"If this thing is working properly." He said, tapping the device to make sure it was working, "Then her power would be roughly equal... to a Third Tier Sacred Guardian."

"So, in other words, i'd be fighting sensei."

"Close enough."

"All right," Naruto said, turning and grinning foxily at Eva, who grinned evily right back at him. "Let's get this party started."

* * *

Author's Note

I LIVE! I'M BACK!

This is a prequel to the Guardian Trilogy. It should help explain how Naruto got some of his powers and show off new ones that i have yet to introduce in timeless. It should also explain, by the time it's finished, why naurto seems more powerful in this piece.

This is a piece that ive been working on for a while. The Fire Emblem and Ace Combat pieces never got off the ground. if i do another piece, its gonna be on a 90s anime that i just finished watching, _Martian Successor Nadesico_. Great anime, though kinda aged.

Anyway, that's it for now. Stand by for another chapter of _Timeless _in a couple of days. The Akastuki fight is coming up soon.

With all due regards.

Xingster

P.S. Read the Manga. it's great.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter I: Ice Brat versus Orange Lightning

Naruto didn't bother waiting for someone as powerful as Eva to attack him, immediately hurling the shuriken at the small vampire, which Chachazero suddenly parried with her built-in hand-blades.

"Lic Lac La Lac Lilac!" Eva chanted as Naruto started sealing rapidly, his hands a blur to the casual observer.

"Come forth, Spirits of Darkness!"

"Katon-"

"Nineteen Arrows of Darkness, strike my enemy!"

"Gōkakyu no Jutsu!"

Naruto's fireball collided with Eva's Magical Arrows in a blinding flash of energy, the two attacks canceling each other out rather pathetically, once you consider the nature of the energy output.

"Not bad, brat. But can you handle this? Lic Lac La Lac Lilac! Minister, Oriri Magnus!"

Right before their eyes, Chachazero grew from her tiny puppet form into a teenager with two foot blades sticking out from under her wrists, still grinning sadistically.

Naruto gulped and gripped his kunai even tighter; his other hand going for the shuriken pouch on his leg, then checked the action.

"Just one helper? All right, Josh! Get the field larger!" he crossed his fingers. "Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"

Clouds of smoke blew everywhere, and when it cleared, several hundred Narutos were staring at the two confounded females, all of whom hefted kunai and grinned. "Men! Charge!"

With an enormous roar, all of the clones leapt toward the vampire, who fell back as Chachazero sprang into action, cutting down clones in groups of five.

"Lic Lac La Lac Lilac! Come to me Spirits of Darkness, Spirits of Ice, Umbra Nixtempestas Fluctus!"

As she finished the incantation, both of her hands glowed dark blue. Eva grinned and swept her hands, sending out two waves of energy, cutting down clones by the dozens. Naruto, however, wasn't about to go down so easily.

He focused on his right hand, while his other hand started sealing. A few seconds later, Naruto spat a fireball right toward the waiting vampire, and a few seconds after that, throwing a Rasenshuriken right through the said fireball. "Initial Guardian Art, Katon! Fiery Rasenshuriken!"

The flaming sphere of cutting energy shot right through the wintry energy wave, blazing a course toward the smirking vampire.

"Really, boya? Is that all you can do? That's not nearly enough."

Josh tapped this eyepiece and the eye behind it widened. "Naruto, I'm detecting a massive energy surge! If you're gonna win, you have to bust it out now!"

"What do you think I'm trying to do there?"

"Well, get a move on! At this rate, not even Orange Lightning will be able to suppress her!"

"Oh, I'm not using Orange Lightning."

"What the hell are you gonna use? The Fiery Rasenshuriken wont work and you can't use most of your attacks right now. Without Kyuubi's help-"

"I'm using Silver Lightning!"

Josh visibly blanched. "Naruto, you idiot! Last time you tried to use that attack, you tore your arm off from the effort! It isn't complete enough for you to use!"

"Bullshit. Rasengan wasn't complete for nearly two decades, and I've lost track of how many times I've used that thing."

"But the base form was ready! Silver Lightning takes too much concentration for you to use practically in battle! Besides, you can't even use Shadow Guardian inside a test chamber yet, let alone outside one!"

"Well, it's always worth trying!"

"Fine, but if you lose your arm again, don't come bitching to me!"

Naruto turned back to Eva. "Now, prepare to see the older brother of my most famous attack!"

The miniature vampire bared her fangs and collected two balls of silver-black energy in her hands as well. "Let's see just what you can do."

"You asked for it! Shadow Guardian Art, Raiton-!"

"Holy fuck, what is that thing?"

"-Holy Fuck no Jutsu! Wait, what?"

The blonde tried to correct the technique, but it was too late. The outline of a strangely shaped lance of silvery energy began to form, but it almost instantly collapsed, taking Naruto's left arm with it.

"Well, I guess that the battle's over. Nice try, boya."

The young guardian gave a bloody grin and started sealing with one hand. "Oh, really? I don't think so. Even though you have one more arm then I do, I'll never give up!"

"Foolish boy. Do you really think that you can win?"

"Let's find out, shall we?"

Naruto formed six half-seals with his remaining hand, placing the lone palm over his forehead. As soon as he pulled his hand away, orange electricity blossomed from the point, and he switched his attention to his palm. In the span of a few seconds, an orange sphere formed there, hovering slightly above his palm.

"Sacred Guardian Art: Raiton, Raikiri! Sacred Guardian Art: Rasengan!" the blonde yelled as he formed the two techniques. He then placed the Orange Rasengan over his forehead, twisting slowly. "Sacred Guardian Art: Partial Fusion!"

With that one move, the electricity from his forehead disappeared. Instead, it stayed with the Rasengan and he held it out. "Sacred Guardian Art: Orange Lightning!"

Naruto hefted a kunai with his teeth and threw it as hard as he could at Eva, quickly closing his eyes and focusing on following the soaring metal, and a split second later, he was in mid-flight, the ball of deadly orange energy tearing a hole in the atmosphere where it passed.

Eva fused her twin bolts of energy, focused, and sent a stream streaking toward Naruto, who raised his own energy sphere and met it head-on.

The explosion of magic and chakra was enormous. It knocked over trees for several acres, thoroughly buffeting anything else anchored down, and sending anything or anyone not anchored flying.

Now, normally, Naruto would not have been able to withstand that sort of energy attack without being blown back. However, Orange Lightning, along with the Hiraishin gives him so much momentum that it would be easier to stop an incoming asteroid with your bare hands. The reason this strategy works is because of the first technique.

Orange Lightning, being a guardian attack, is extraordinarily powerful for an attack, as with all guardian techniques. However, it comes with several drawbacks and limitations. For one thing, most guardians simply can't draw enough power to form the attack. Second, the energy sphere is so dense that it actually warps gravity, forming the equivalent of a miniature black hole. In order to survive this, he spreads the gravity all throughout his body by placing an energy barrier to disperse it. However, this restricts his movements to effectively nothing.

This is the main drawback and also the primary strength of the attack. In the split second before the gravity takes over, Naruto throws a kunai or other object marked with the Hiraishin. Timing it perfectly, he follows the projectile, giving him extreme momentum, sufficient to launch the attack and tear through pretty much anything.

The blonde tore right through the energy stream, cutting a swath in the attack.

"What? Naruto! Abort! NOW!"

"I'm fine!"

"Your body can't handle a failed Silver Lightning and then an Orange Lightning right afterwards! Abort!"

"I told you, I'm fine! Stay out of this!"

"Naruto, if you don't stop now, you'll rip your other arm off! The strain-"

"Leave me alone! I told you I'm fine!"

"Listen to him, boya."

"What? You're just scared of my Orange Lightning!"

"I have to admit, your Orange Lightning is indeed impressive, as with all you have shown me so far. But I have yet to unleash my true power."

"Bring it!"

"Very well. You leave me no choice! Lic Lac La Lac Lilac! Come to me, Spirits of ice, Spirits of Darkness, I summon thee, Noxnoctissomnium Procella!"

"What? Naruto! GET OUT OF THERE! YOU'VE GOT A SECOND TIER ATTACK COMING AFTER YOU!"

"I'm not finished yet. Sacred Guardian Art, Katon, Phoenix Firestorm!"

From his third eye point, a silvery-white hot lance of energy launched out and fused with the Orange Lightning, turning it a lighter shade of orange, almost yellow.

Now, the silvery blue and the silvery orange energy bolts collided in mid-air, the respective users of each gritting their teeth and forcing in as much energy as possible. However, neither of them expected what happened next.

Both the Nightmare Tempest and Orange Lightning fused into a single energy sphere, expanded slightly, and blew both combatants out of the black dome, all the while fluctuating madly.

Josh instantly recognized an uncontrolled attack and spun a dial in his HUD, locking down the sphere and snatching up the fallen combatants. The explosion a split second later was so powerful that it cracked the gravity-condensed metal safety mesh.

* * *

"You are really more trouble then you're worth, do you know that?"

"I could say the same for you."

"Why you… I don't know why I even keep you around."

"Because of my stunning good looks?"

"I'm not gay, you cockbite."

"Never said you were."

"I hate to interrupt this little lover's quarrel here, but what are you people? How did you match me in combat… with just one arm?"

Naruto turned and popped the lid off yet another bowl of ramen, taking a sloppy bite before responding. "We're guardians. We seal away tailed beasts, or bijuu. However, we often run into a problem."

"Which is?"

Josh polished his helmet, testing the visor before slipping it away. "Bijuu are generally sealed until some idiot with a bit of power comes along and breaks it. We get a call from central command, and we go in to reseal the beast. However, bijuu are literally living energy, and they put up quite a fight. We have to be ready for massed combat if it can produce bijuu spawn, miniature versions of themselves which can take down the average battle tank."

Eva accepted a cup of tea from Chachamaru, sipping it slowly. "So, in other words, you're demon hunters?"

Josh popped in a cigar, grabbing one of Naruto's clones, slapping it on the back of the head, and lit the said cigar with a burst of flame. "In the loosest sense of the word, I suppose. But we do more than that. Some of us work as mercenaries, others laze about after training, and others protect the peace."

Naruto pointed with his fork, mouth full of miso ramen. "Anf home af uf hause houble."

"Haven't I told you to not speak with your mouth full?"

The blonde swallowed his mouthful and took another bite, albeit smaller this time. "I said, and some of us cause trouble."

"You got that right. Unfortunately for the rest of us, they're usually the most powerful."

"Most powerful?"

Josh sighed and jerked a thumb at Naruto, happily slurping away. "Believe me or not, that kid over there is extremely powerful. That Orange Lightning attack that you stopped, well, let's just say despite the fact that it's his most famous technique, it's nowhere near his most powerful."

Eva signaled for more tea. "What _is_ the most powerful attack that boya here has?"

The armored guardian chuckled and ripped the foil off of a MRE (Meal Ready to Eat), took out the oxygen absorber, and popped it in his mouth, chewing briefly before swallowing. "Not sure. He's got hundreds of incomplete techniques, each of them more powerful then the next."

"Such as?"

"Well, as you can see, he's developed an incomplete Lightning line to complement his arsenal. But, only Orange Lightning is usable. He simply doesn't have the energy to draw up such attacks yet."

"Speaking of which, Josh, what did you see?"

The taller guardian twirled a translucent chip between his fingers rather as one might twirl a pen. "A data crystal from GHQ. According to this, they got our message, but we have to find our own way out of here."

"Out?"

"Yes, you little vampire. Out. We're guardians. We don't belong here. Since we don't seem to have a pre-made portal, we're gonna try blasting a hole in the fabric of this dimension."

"Blast out?"

"For Christ's sake, quit repeating everything I say! Yes, blast out. I have a handful of my Bunker Buster warheads with me. I'll supercharge them with Sacred Guardian energy and blow a hole in the dimensional fabric."

Eva nibbled on a cookie that had been sitting out on a tray, Naruto sat there munching on his sixteenth bowl of ramen since the conversation started, and Josh chewed on the corner of his MRE. "So, Josh, wanna get started?"

"Give me a couple of minutes to get the launcher set up and charge the warheads. Not everyone has your monster energy and stamina."

"All right. I'll get the field set up."

"Field?"

"That's right. If we fired the supercharged Bunker Busters without focusing the power, the planet would be in danger of being crushed into rubble from the force of the explosion."

Eva blanched. "Rubble?"

"Yes, unfortunately. Blew the Moon into five pieces once with my Dark Bunker Buster- complete accident, I assure you. The Sacred Bunker Buster is about fifteen times stronger on a standard charge. Add in the supercharge, and you've got a fifteen hundred percent increase in power. Add in the fact that I'm launching four warheads, and you've got plenty of firepower."

"Hey, Josh. Mark IVs or Mark Vs?"

"Neither. A set of my experimental mobile Mark VIs."

The blond whistled. "Nice. What's the payload?"

"I've had to cut it down for the mobile version, but it's still around 200 megatons apiece."

"I guess that's plenty to punch a hole in the barrier. What do you need me to do?"

"Just focus on setting up the launcher and charge a warhead. In my energy frequency this time, if you don't mind."

"All right. Though it was fun watching you trying to set off the last set and blowing your arm off."

"That's not funny. It was in the middle of our last mission, and it was the way into the enemy base. He charges it in one of his own frequencies, and it literally shreds my arm. Not to mention a very expensive piece of equipment."

"Whatever. I'll get the warheads charged. Let's get to the beach as soon as possible. I can smell the ramen calling my name!"

Josh sighed but pulled out a small case, slotted out three clear tubes, and threw them to Naruto, who deftly caught them and walked off, muttering about people with no sense of humor. "Sorry about the kid. He doesn't like being beat."

Eva signaled and Chachamaru cleaned up the tea tray and the remains of Josh's hastily devoured meal. "He's a strong kid. Maybe almost as good as me. But I didn't beat him."

"You fought him to a standstill. That's being beat in his books. We're just lucky he didn't lose control."

The small vampire stretched, her fangs still somewhat longer then a human's. "What do you mean by losing control?"

"I mean… ah, shit. I can't tell anyone about it unless it breaks loose. But put it like this. I'm several hundred years old, and I've only been scared a handful of times."

"You don't look a day over eighteen."

"And you chose the wrong age to stop aging. Yes, we guardians are immortal, in a fashion. We can be killed, but it's damn near impossible without enormous power. Even if that attack of yours had hit Naruto head-on, it would have put him into a coma for a month. Max."

"Hmm… quite impressive. Suppose I want to become a guardian."

"Impossible. I've done a through scan of your body. There's a strange seal that keeps you trapped here, and we don't break seals that don't directly pertain to us. Besides, you don't seem to have an affinity for any of the guardian arts. I could be wrong, but without an oracle, there's no way to be sure."

"Is there any other way? Tell me, or I'll kill you."

"Ah… so the little brat does have some bite. Hmm. That's unusual. Usually the display of guardian powers shocks any locals into sheep for a couple of weeks. Yes, there is another way to become a guardian, but only a handful of people have ever tried it, and only one has ever succeeded."

"And that would be…?"

Josh chuckled as he took a swig from a conformal hip flask. "My partner; the blond idiot that you just fought."

Eva was spluttering. "But… How? I mean, from what I could tell, all the energy was coming from within him…"

The armored guardian slipped the rifle off of his back, disassembled it, and started lubricating the parts. "Simple. Naruto's from what we call an unauthorized dimension, which means there's almost no chance of guardians coming from there. Guardians who are trained to be so are raised from birth to be warriors. You can't tell, but since you're used to channeling huge amounts of energy, but Guardian Arts put an enormous amount of stress on the body. Typical humans that try to use Guardian Techniques either fail to get any results, or are literally ripped apart by the sheer amount of energy flow. Naruto was trained as a ninja, and his home dimension's energy source is called Chakra. Dead useful, but I could never master it. Anyway, when he first came to our organization after his old sensei recommended it, he showed no aptitude for guardian arts. But then…"

The little girl was on the edge of her seat, clinging to every word. "Yes, what? Don't stop now!"

Josh rapidly reassembled his rifle, scowling. "One sec. Gotta go teach that idiot a lesson." He said as he deftly slipped a clip into the receiver and pulled the charging lever back with a menacing _clack_. He then slotted his helmet on, slapped the visor down, and got up, opened the door, and fired a string of bursts at Naruto, who danced around and blew a raspberry.

"Naruto, you idiot! If you don't get a move on, my rifle will do the working!"

"BITE ME!"

The armored guardian scowled, emptied the rest of the clip at the dancing blond, and slammed the door shut. He then sat back down, pulled the helmet off, ejected the spent clip, and disassembled the gun again, this time focusing on the sights. "Anyway, sorry 'bout that. He wasn't charging the warheads. Where was I… oh, yeah. Anyway, then we saw the seal and how much he was willing to work, so we went to the oracle, who presented him with a set of seven seals. SEVEN! I only had four! And I'm the nephew of the current director… anyway, seven is unprecedented. Even the original guardian only had eight seals. Over the years, he's grasped the power of the guardian, but still relies on the spirit of the Kyuubi sealed inside him for the strongest of his attacks. I'm quite surprised that he could manage both a… oh, hell no. One second. Close your eyes and plug your ears."

The brunette stood back up, slotted his helmet back on, pulled a small cylinder from a pouch, ripped the pin out, and threw the grenade at Naruto, who was tossing the warheads in the air. "Naruto, you idiot! Those are antimatter warheads! We may survive the explosion, but the locals won't! I don't feel like cleaning up a two-hundred mile wide blast crater! Now stop it!" He slammed the door shut just as the flash-bang went off, causing the blond to squawk in indignation.

"Again, sorry 'bout that. My partner charged the warheads, but he was juggling them this time. Anyway…"

"WHAT? I'LL KILL HIM!"

"Uh, Eva, that may not be a smart-"

_Smack_

"-Idea… Well, I did try to warn you."

When the small vampire had opened the door to rip Naruto's manhood off, she had gotten a face full of snowball. The girl sat back down, blew the snow off onto Josh, who sat there loading magazines, and threw a quick temper tantrum.

"Are you done yet?"

"Where the hell… did he… get _snow_… at this time… of year?"

"Ah, yes, um. Maybe this is a good time to mention that Naruto is an Elemental Master, or rather, more specifically, an Ancient Elemental Master. He has complete control over Fire, Wind, Water, Earth, and Lightning. He can fuse water with wind to make ice, or in this case, snow, as you found out."

"I will still kill him!"

"_Yeah_, I wouldn't try that. If you get too close to him and you're not really a threat, he'll fuse water and earth to make wood, and use wind to carve out a fucking baseball bat to beat you over the head with."

Eva growled, folding her arms as the armored guardian pocketed the last of the clips, reassembled his rifle, unholstered two pistols, and took them apart, inspecting the trigger for metal fatigue. "Anyway, our time here is almost done. It's been a pleasure meeting you."

"I wish I could say the same for your partner."

"So does the rest of the human population. Well, I'll be off. Later."

"Later."

* * *

The black field was set back up, this time in a narrow cylinder, in the middle of which was Naruto, Josh, the launcher, and eight hundred megatons of guardian enhanced antimatter warhead. Not exactly a stable combination in the best of times.

"All right, Naruto. Charge up Orange Lightning, and we'll be off."

"On it. Sacred Guardian Art: Raiton, Raikiri! Sacred Guardian Art: Rasengan! Sacred Guardian Art: Partial Fusion! Sacred Guardian Art: Orange Lightning!"

At the same time Naruto was sealing and fusing, Josh sealed his visor and rapidly voiced out his instructions. "Computer, execute quad-barrel Sacred Bunker Buster to match rate of impact with Naruto's Orange Lightning. Full overcharge, Authorization Code Gamma Gamma Alpha Theta Two Six."

The order seemed to work, since the warheads began to glow a cool blue- Josh's sacred guardian energy color. "Ready?"

"Go for it!"

"All right then." And with that, the armored guardian threw the Haraishin kunai as hard as he could; bracing himself for liftoff.

As soon as the kunai had reached the height needed, Naruto focused on the kunai, and the two guardians, along with the four warheads, rushed up at massive speed, and hit the dimensional barrier head on.

The crackle of the five guardian techniques seemed not to be enough for a few seconds, until the fabric of time and space finally sighed and gave into the enormous pressure, ripping an enormous hole in the middle of the sky, and the two guardians passed through, off to who knows where.

Of course, our story does not end here. (For reasons why, read my other piece)

Just as Eva turned around, the ground started rumbling and her senses tingled, the barrier around the school extending in all directions. "What?"

At that same second, an orange streak shot out of the ground right in front of her, effectively destroying her house. The roof support beams fell around her, causing the small vampire to start shrieking, which ended with Chachamaru carrying her master out of the falling residence.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI! I WILL KILL YOU!"

* * *

Josh rubbed the back of his head, looking extremely sheepish. "Eh, I'm very sorry about this. I never expected that this dimension had a spiraling barrier. Though how we wound up so close to our point of departure is extremely… umm, are you ok?"

Eva's eyes, despite still being sealed, glowed a dangerous shade of red. "You demolish my home and ask if I'm OK? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Naruto sat in the grass nearby, chewing on the remains of his fifteenth ramen cup since he had gotten out of the technique. "Oh, lighten up. It's not that bad."

"Not that bad? Why you little-" the small vampire then proceeded to pounce on Naruto, attempting to strangle him. With several rapid hand seals, he formed a rod of wood and bashed the other blond hitting him.

"Like I said, it's not that bad. I got my place destroyed several times-"

"That was your own fault, dumbass."

"Yes… I suppose you putting a six pound core of unrefined thermite on my bed and then setting it alight is all my fault."

"That was once!"

"Termites in my dresser."

"All right, twice then."

"Grenade in my pillow."

"Three times, what do I care?"

"Napalm in my underwear."

"Now that was funny."

"Termites in my dresser."

"You already said that one."

"ENOUGH! WHAT ABOUT MY HOUSE?"

Both Naruto and Josh stopped in mid-rant, mouths still half-open, slowly rotated their heads to look at Eva, narrowed their eyes, and flipped her off.

"Do you mind?"

"We're in the middle of something here."

"That's it. Chachamaru, get rid of them both."

"Yes, master. Launching missiles."

Josh just slotted on his helmet while Naruto went down on one knee, flashing through seals and muttering under his breath. As soon as the warheads got near, proximity detonators set off the charges, shrouding the pair in dust and falling debris.

Eva breathed hard. Not only had those two idiots destroyed her house, but they had the audacity to talk back to her and tell her to shut up. Her! The most powerful mage in the world! This would teach them.

As the dust slowly cleared, it became evident that not only had the missiles failed to damage the pair of arguing baboons, it actually amused them to no end.

When Josh had slipped on his helmet, the circuit had been completed, and an energy shield had flowed into place, repelling the explosions like they were rocks. Naruto, on the other hand, had braced himself and now had a translucent shield in both his outstretched fists, energy blocking his front in the likeness of a kite shield. He then unclenched his fists and the shield fell, still intact.

"You know, you're the only person I know that can make one of those things that thick on demand and then drop it like the wrapper of a candy bar."

"Yeah, well, it's not worth reabsorbing."

"Says the guy who's the envy of everyone else and the dreams of all the girls he meets. Do you honestly have to take that form every time? Why do you insist on taking that age? You know it's just gonna cause trouble."

"Hey, like I said. It's camouflage. Not my fault."

"WILL YOU TWO STOP IT!"

Eva had finally lost it. Watching the two bicker had driven out the last of her patience. "YOU TWO CLAIM TO BE ALL-POWERFUL! WHY CANT YOU STOP BICkering…?"

She trailed off when Naruto's kunai and Josh's combat knife found their respective ways to her throat.

"Are you gonna listen?" the small vampire nodded. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but her powers were still sealed. When she did, Naruto's kunai slipped back into his sleeve and Josh sheathed his combat knife. "Now. I never said we were all-powerful. Yes, we are powerful. Yes, we are amazing. No, we can't stop bickering. It's just the way we are. And now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find the principal."

"Wait, what about my house?"

"There are dorms here. Just live in one of those. That's what we did when we were in basic. And I tell you know, these are a lot nicer. Comon, Naruto. And put on your mature form."

The blond gave a cheery wave and followed Josh back toward campus while casually flipping through seals and soon after turning into someone who rivaled his partner in height.

Eva stood there, dumbfounded. She turned to Chachamaru. "Salvage what you can, and let's go see the old man."

"What about…"

"Those two, if they ever stopped bickering, could beat Ala Rubra with their death glares. I'm not about to challenge them in my current state. For a smart robot, you sure can be dumb sometimes."

"Whatever you say, master."

* * *

"-And that's our situation, Principal Konoe. So if you have an abandoned building or a patch of forest that needs clearing, we would be most grateful."

The old man stood, casting a critical eye over the tall youth standing before him, and the other blond standing there, hands twitching for another bowl of ramen. "We do have an abandoned elementary school, but it doesn't have anything, and it's been like that for five years."

Josh nodded, satisfied. "Thank you. I promise that we will pay you back someday-"

At that exact moment, the door burst open and Eva strode into the room with Chachamaru, that latter of who was dragging several large duffels of knickknacks. "Hey, old man! I need a new place to live! Two idiots…"

"Now, you wouldn't be talking about us, would you?"

She opened her mouth, saw that Josh's hand was gravitating toward the handle of his combat knife and Naruto was tilting his sleeve slightly, kunai ready to eject.

"Erm, I mean, two people destroyed my house…"

The principle sighed but looked thoughtful. "Why don't you move in with these two? They're refurbishing the old elementary school."

"But, but."

"It's settled. You'll move in with them. Now, do you need any workers?"

"Already got them." Josh replied as he jerked a thumb toward Naruto, who sighed and chewed on his chopsticks for a second as he sealed, six hundred shadow clones poofing into existence, snatching the offered eyepiece from the armored guardian's hand, and jumped out the window to join the rest of his brothers, who were all starting to move off in the vague direction of the abandoned building, muttering about how they always get the shit assignments. At the old man's questioning look, he filled in, "That sensor gives the clones a good idea which walls and beams they can knock out without making the whole place collapse under its own weight. And the brat here can start moving over there. By the time she gets there, it'll either be complete or a complete mess."

"Meaning?"

He jerked a thumb toward Naruto, who had just ripped the lid off another bowl of ramen and was squinting at the contents suspiciously. "What, wrong flavor?"

"Nah, there's something in here I don't like." And flicked something out of his cup. "Is that… blood?"

"No. actually, that looks like… fish liver? The hell is that doing in there?"

"I see you have found our campus ramen to be appetizing. That's the Seafood Surprise."

"I'll give it a surprise. RASENGAN!"

Josh quirked an eyebrow at the destruction. "You didn't have to destroy it, you know. I'm kinda hungry right now, and I'm all outta MREs."

"That's your own fault. Besides, you hate ramen."

"Not when you're starving, expecting room service for two years."

The blond grumbled as he unwrapped another bowl, filled it with hot water, and spun it over to Josh along with a disposable fork. For some reason, he didn't know how to use chopsticks.

"Oh, and…"

"Just call me Josh, Principal Konoe."

"Josh-kun then. We have a field trip to Kyoto in a tomorrow. Would you mind going along as an additional chaperone? I don't anticipate any trouble, but it never hurt to have additional people onboard."

The armored guardian thought about the offer for the moment, shot a glance at Naruto, who nodded briefly, and replied, "My partner here will take care of it. In the extremely unlikely case that he can't handle it, I'm three minutes out."

"Young man, might I remind you that Kyoto is more then two hundred miles away?"

"Perhaps, but not a problem for a Fighter Jet capable of VTOL and Mach Six airspeeds in one standard atmosphere. Speaking which, I need to pay a visit to America. I don't feel like using Soviet Metal."

"Ah. Gonna use that old trick?"

"Got it from my old man before he died. Of course, I'm not anywhere as near as tough as he was, so I'll be using my armor."

"And this would be…"

Naruto chuckled and crushed the used cup. "He's gonna take that jet into low orbit, and when he's over his target, Josh here will get out of the cockpit and do a orbital dive. He's small enough so that he'll just look like another meteor coming in. At a height of sixteen hundred feet, he'll deploy his armor's shields to soft mode so that he'll bounce. Great fun, but not my taste."

"Your taste is nothing but ramen."

"Point taken."

Eva, who was still standing there, looked confused. "Wait a second. He's completely out of character! How is that possible, I mean, he would have to-"

"Ah, I see you've figured out how we fight and live through the stress of guardian combat. Yes. Every guardian who can pull his or her weight has split personalities. In fact, Naruto here has no less then sixteen distinct selves. Ranging from the Lazy Uzu to the Powerful Blackhawk, they're… well, let's just say it takes a few years to figure out who you're talking to. We switch occasionally, either to fit the moment, because we have to, or it's just time for a change."

"So, I'm currently talking to…"

"That's Uzu. He doesn't like to argue a lot. The main Naruto would have never given up on that argument, and a combat-orientated one like Blackhawk would have attacked me. Different personalities have different uses and abilities. Uzu is generally used when Naruto is tired. Naruto takes over for everyday banter, eating, and light combat duties. A personality like Blackhawk takes over when you need some heavier firepower. But even Blackhawk can only unleash about forty percent of his potential. With two enhancement techniques, that figure can go as high as fifty-five percent, but it comes with high risk of extreme fatigue. In fact, there's only one person who I ever knew who could endure that sort of punishment, and that's my father."

"But, how do…"

"How do we know Naruto's full potential? That's easy. We don't. Blackhawk's not his most dangerous personality. In fact, shit, I can't talk about it."

"Yeah, well, get going. You've leaked out enough as is."

"Well fuck you too, Uzu."

"I don't swing that way. I thought after all these years, you would learn that."

"Just, GAH! Pack your stuff up, and go buy a ticket. You're going on the train."

"But I can just have Naruto run…"

"Blending in is the key idea here, Uzu. Running at several hundred miles an hour next to a bullet train just might stand out a little to the locals here."

"What about you? That orbital dive of yours is gonna get noticed by someone."

"Doubt it. And even if they do, they'll just think I'm another meteor coming in."

"Well, I'll just need someone to go along. Naruto-kun, are you going?"

"Well, since I got nothing better to do, I suppose. Hey Josh, are you going to…"

"I'll supervise the clones. Don't worry about it."

"Alright. Make sure they don't blow a hole in the planet or anything."

"Nice to see you back, Naruto."

"Yeah. Uzu got tired of trying to avoid an argument with you and shoved me back out here."

"Typical Uzu. Are you packed?"

"I never got unpacked."

"Hmm? Ah, that's right. Your fight with Eva…"

"What? You fought Eva? And you're still here?"

"Well, of course I am. Did you expect me to get beat by some Draculette Reject?"

"HEY! I'm standing right here!"

"Am I supposed to care?"

"Yes, you idiot!"

"Whatever. I'm off to train."

"Naruto-kun." The principle looked suddenly serious. "Do not display any of your powers on campus. That will only cause trouble, and I may ask you to leave."

"Right. No powers. Got it."

"Naruto. No powers includes shadow clones. Keep a lid on it. No energy attacks, no extreme-speed movement, no clones. Got it?"

"Yeah, whatever." With that and a wave over his shoulder, he walked out, muttering about spoilsports.

"Is he gonna be fine?"

"Hmm… hard to define fine with that kid. Put it like this. Have you ever heard of the Great Salt Lake in the states?"

"Certainly. What of it?"

"Let's just say that if he does hold back like I've asked, you'll have a miniature model here."

"That's holding back?"

"Heh. Half-assed would mean the destruction of this academy, despite the very clever sealed support system, casual would destroy this province, amused would mean destruction of his country, half-serious would destroy this planet, fully serious would destroy the local time-space continuum, and furious would destroy everything in this dimension back to primordial sub-atomic particles."

"You're exaggerating, I hope."

"Nope. Without other guardians nearby to suppress him in case he gets angry, you're all doomed and I'm in for one helluva beating. Hopefully, though, it won't come to that."

* * *

Author's Note

I LIVE!

I RETURN!

I MAKE REALLY BAD STORIES!

JK about that last part, btw.

WOOT! Chapter I of Orange Lightning is out!

And if you havn't read timeless, go over and read it.

And since i'm being a lazy bastard today, i'll just copy part of the Author's note from Timeless, Chapter XVI.

Now, for those of you who dont pay attention, my author's page has been updated. It now includes some ranting, my blog, and my two pieces, both in progess.

About the blog, there are two. One is just general news that i might update 1-3 times a week, depending on time. The other blog is teasers, which will almost always be published 72 hours before the next chapter is released. That way, people who want teasers can read them, and people who dont can just see when it's been updated.

And now, to a topic that really has me inflamed.

IF YOU FLAME ME, AT LEAST HAVE THE COURAGE TO LEAVE A REAL SCREENNAME. FLAMING THE PIECE IS ALL GOOD, AND I'LL TAKE CRITISM. HOWEVER, WHEN YOU ATTACK ME DIRECTLY, YOU NOT ONLY RISK MY ANGER AT YOU, BUT YOU ALSO RISK THE LOSS OF ANONYMOUS REVIEWS. I APPOLOGIZE TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE USING IT PROPERLY, BUT THESE FLAMES DIRECTLY ON ME CANNOT CONTINUE, IF THIS PIECE IS TO MOVE FORWARD AT A CONSISTANT PACE.

Now, on another side note about my profile, if you have yet to vote on the poll, please do.

I have 24 votes. Yes, 24 votes. and one of those is mine. This is a chance for readers to influence the direction of the plot. If turnout remains this low, then i will take away this and move the story as i like. But since i want people to have a say, this is a rare chance.

Also, not being picky, but for a piece that's over 4k words, it has less then 5 reviews. so that's less then one review for a thousand words. I know this piece cant compete against the top-notch pieces out there, but some review out there that there's someone out there acutally reading the piece helps me write faster. Just a piece of advice there.

Now, on the topic of updating.

As stated above, it has been four months to the day since this piece has been updated. I will now make my best effort to return to the one chapter per week updates. However, unlike before, i will swap between the pieces to avoid writer's block. While this does mean slower progess, it means steady progress.

Heh, back to an original Author's Note.

This piece will take second dibs to Timeless, which means timeless will have a chapter next week, and Orange Lightning will not.

Hope that doesnt make anyone mad.

Till Next time:

Xingster


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter II: In Hot Water

Naruto punched yet another clone, causing it to shatter. "_Naruto. No powers includes shadow clones. Keep a lid on it. No energy attacks, no extreme-speed movement, no clones. Got it?_ Yeah, I got it, bastard. Yeah, right. You wish."

"Now, you wouldn't be talking about me, now would you?"

The blond jumped, twisted in midair, and threw a handful of shuriken at his armored partner, who plucked them out of the sky with ease. "Oh, come on. You have to do better then that!"

"Oh, I'll do worse then that. Just after the trip."

"How about now?"

"You wish. I'm still hungry. Now I gotta go babysit a bunch of brats."

Josh considered a moment before throwing the shuriken right back to their owner. "You could blend in quite well. You decided to keep that form. I chose this one."

Naruto pulled out his sword. "Care to call me small again?"

The armored guardian pulled out another cigar, shot off the end, and popped it in his grinning mouth. "Naruto, you're a respectable swordsman by any standard, but you know pulling that one on me won't do jack shit."

"I've been practicing."

"Practice all you want. Your body just wasn't meant to blend with a sword. For one thing, you're still too short. Any blade you could master would have to be the size of a butter knife."

At this, Naruto charged the brunette, his blade drawn. In the span of half a second and three blows, Josh had the blond's blade at his own neck. "Like I said, that doesn't do jack shit. You're better off throwing-"

"Initial Guardian Art: Doton: Cascading Rock Wall!"

"-Rocks. Well, speak of the devil. This had better not put my cigar out."

"Initial Guardian Art: Suiton: Flowing Waterfall!"

"Son of a-"

_Splash._

Out of nowhere, a clear waterfall, no more than ten feet tall hit Josh square on the top of his head. Needless to say, the cigar was put out.

"There. No more cigar. Now, what do you need?"

Josh stood there, soggy cigar still firmly clamped in his mouth, and hair plastered down over his eyes. In one swift movement, the cigar fell out of his mouth and he spat out a stream of water.

"Well, before you decided to try and half-drown me with your river, I was going to say to be careful."

"Of what? The girls?"

The armored guardian snorted and shook some water out of his helmet. "Sorta. Be careful not to get any more fangirls then you already have. But the main thing is, everything happens because of a reason. I don't think we're here on a whim, Naruto."

"Oh, please. There's not one thing that can stop me when I-"

"That includes yourself. You haven't mastered it yet. Don't push yourself that far and unleash it unless you absolutely have to."

Naruto waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah. I got it. I'm heading into town."

"For what, pray tell?"

"I've got a package to pick up from a local merchant. It's called food, Josh."

Josh rummaged around in his pouch, pulling out two small silver ingots. "If you see anything tasty, get me some, will ya?"

Naruto snatched them out of the air and pocketed them. "Sure. On it. Have the clones start remodeling."

The brunette crossed his arms and surveyed the damage done to the field thus far. "Screw that. I'm going to have them shift it to the dorms and fuse it there. I'm not passing up free meals when I see one."

* * *

Naruto moved through town, transformed into a nondescript stranger. The last thing he needed was to have fangirls in town. The bank had been more than happy to cash in Josh's silver into cash, so now he was ready. After paying the merchant for six cases of instant ramen, he stopped at a supermarket and picked up some other necessities.

Naruto grinned. Josh absolutely hated ramen unless he was starving. So, just to piss him off, he would get nothing but ramen. _Besides_, the blond shrugged, Josh would get his own food in time. He had a trip to go on. Now all he needed was…

A Ticket.

"One ticket to Kyoto, 9:30 AM, tomorrow."

"Sorry, sir. We're sold out."

"I said-" and with this, he injected some killer intent into his words, "_One ticket to Kyoto, 9:30 AM, tomorrow_."

The poor ticket seller clerk trembled. He just had to be at the wrong place at the wrong time again, didn't he? "I-I'm sorry s-sir, but if we don't have any tickets, t-then we don't h-have any t-tickets l-left."

Naruto grinned and flicked a kunai out of his sleeve. "_How about now_?"

Without a second thought, the clerk pushed the button underneath his desk, summoning a platoon of security staff that dogpiled on top of the blond.

* * *

Josh sighed as he hauled the struggling blond on one shoulder, the instant ramen on the other shoulder. "Goddamnit, Naruto, this is the eighth time in as many trips that I've had to come and bust you out like this. When will you learn to keep your temper under control?"

"When will you learn to keep your mouth shut, Loose-Lips?"

The brunette dropped Naruto and pulled out his rifle. "I _dare_ you to call me that again."

Naruto rolled to his feet and pulled out two handfuls of shuriken. "I said, I'll learn to control my temper when you learn to keep your mouth shut,_ Loose-Lips_."

Josh racked back the charging lever and snapped off three bursts. "It's on, Motherfucker!"

As the two closed, intending to castrate the other, they both stopped. "The hell is that?"

Naruto and Josh both turned their heads slowly just in time-

To get run over by a herd of security staff.

* * *

"I suppose you idiots think that this is your way of having fun?"

Naruto snorted into his ramen. "Yeah, I suppose. Well, I still don't have a ticket."

"I have one. Master, may I give it to him?"

Eva snorted again. "No, I think not."

"Too late."

"What?"

The ticket in question was no longer in Chachamaru's hand. Instead, faster than either Eva or her maid could see, Naruto had snatched the ticket, which was now being used as a makeshift fan.

"Good. Now, I'm off for an early night. Later."

As Naruto walked off, whistling, Eva turned to Josh. "Can't you-?"

The brunette in question leaned back. "Nope. If I could have, I would have years ago."

"Son of a bitch."

"Son of a bitch, indeed."

* * *

Naruto stood on the platform, staring at the direction which the train would come. He had come early. Nobody else was here yet.

"You're quite early."

"I know." He didn't even bother to turn around. Only one person could get this close without him noticing.

"So, are you nervous?"

The blond sighed and pulled out his sword, checking to make sure the blade was still reasonably intact. "Not that much. Been a while since I've been on bodyguard duty though. Never done a group this big before."

Josh stood next to him and handed him a canteen. "Don't worry. Just keep an eye out for trouble. You feel it too, don't you?"

"If you mean the pressure of your stupidity, then yes."

"I'm being serious here. If you run into another guardian, don't hesitate to take him out. Or if it's one of the ERGs, call for help. There's no shame in doing that."

"I can take down an ERG."

Josh turned around and looked at the haze. Someone was coming. "Not in your current state. And whatever you do, don't unleash it. Just some words of advice. Have fun on the trip. Later."

With that, Josh disappeared into the fog, quickly vanishing from sight.

"Huh… have fun on the trip?"

* * *

"Alright, students. Everyone on the train! Don't get left behind!"

Naruto sat next to Negi, who was trying to break up yet another fight between Asuma and Ayaka. "Hey. Need help?"

"Yes, please!"

"Right. _Girls. Sit down and behave, or I'll gut you like a fish._"

Both Asuma and Ayaka stopped in midshout, turned to look at the blond glaring at them, and decided for their health that they had better do what he said.

Negi was dumbfounded. "How did you do that?"

The blond grinned like a fox after spending a night in a chicken coop, stood up, stretched, and looked back and forth down the compartment. Everyone was silent and staring at him. "Natural Charm, I guess. Now, which way is the food compartment?"

Yue pointed to the rear of the train. "That way. Get me a juice, if you please."

"Right. One Prune Juice, coming right up. Want anything, Negi?"

Negi shook his head, but then checked the action. "A tea, if you please."

"Right. So that's one Prune Juice and one Earl Grey. I'm on it."

As Naruto got to the door, Nodoka spoke up. "H-How did you k-know what t-they wanted?"

_She reminds me of Hinata._ Naruto thought as he slid open the sliding door. With one foot in and one foot out, he turned around, hand on the door and grinned again. "I guess I'm using magic. After all, I can't read minds, now can I?"

With that, the compartment door slid close and he moved off, whistling loud enough for the class to hear even over the rush of the train and the walls in between them.

"Negi-sensei, are you ok?"

The poor kid shook his head. "To be honest, I'm not sure, Iincho-san."

Asuna shook her head and peeled Ayaka off of Negi. "Get off, shota-con. I'm sure that he's off the market too."

The blond just spluttered. "I AM NOT A SHOTA-CON!"

From somewhere down the train, they could hear Naruto laughing. "Of course you are, you perv. Why the hell else would you be checking out my ass?"

* * *

Josh stood in the midday sun, glaring over an X-Ray filtered scan of the building. "Knock out that support beam there."

Five Naruto clones nodded and charged forward, techniques at the ready. A Rasengan would make the entire place collapse in on itself. So, working in teams of five, with four keeping up a steady stream of oxygen-rich air and a fifth using a ultra-tight fire technique, they were sawing off unnecessary beams and readying the place for transportation.

"No, No, No! Not that support beam. You knock that one out, and this entire place is going to cave in around your ears. How many times have I told you to leave that one alone? Wasn't it supposed to be marked?"

"It is marked. Someone pissed on it."

"Son of a bitch."

* * *

Naruto sneezed as he slurped down even more ramen, sixteenth bowl already waning. "Damn. Someone's talking about me. Must be Josh."

Negi sipped even more tea, his sixth cup. "How can you tell, Naruto-san?"

"Cuz," he sneezed again. "Only Josh could curse me enough to have me sneeze this much."

"I suppose so. Josh-san never struck me to be the type to hurt anyone."

"That's because you never got into a fight with him." Naruto stopped and disappointedly glanced into the bottom of his empty bowl. "Man, these bowls are really small. I can't even taste it before it's gone. Ah well, we'll be in Kyoto soon. I'll start munching there."

"Are you sure you have enough money?"

The blond put the bowl in the nearby trash compactor and burped. "Yep. Got enough money. The question is; do they have enough ramen?"

Negi just stared.

* * *

Naruto stepped off the train and stretched, yawning hugely. "Man. It's been a while since I traveled that slowly."

"The bullet train is slow!"

The blond leaned over to Negi's ear. "Between the two of us, when you're used to hypersonic speeds in a jet while moving between two ground targets and in a spacecraft for long-range combat, an hour-long ride is quite long. I could have gotten to the moon by now."

"Moon?"

"Yes. The moon. Quite dry, actually."

"May I ask what you are talking about?"

Yue had pushed her head between them and was listening with rapt attention to every word.

"Just a trip I took a few years back. Nothing big. We were to check up on plan-"

Negi hurriedly covered up Naruto's mouth. "What he means, Yue-san, is that he was to check up on plans to expand the school and went through a restaurant that was called The Moon. Their soda fountain was broken, so the meal was dry. Right, Naruto-san?"

Naruto bit the hand holding his mouth shut. Negi, being still young, did not swear, but bit back tears. "Sure. Whatever. Not really. That mission was a huge disaster. Everything blew-" At this point, with the secret at risk, the mage-in-training tried to stomp on the blond's foot, only for the said blond to dodge at the last second and shift a flash-bang grenade underneath it instead. With a huge bang, it detonated, and everyone within a thirty-foot radius except for Naruto was blinded and deafened for several minutes.

"Hmm…" the orange-clad guardian mused. "That wasn't supposed to go off. Stupid defective equipment."

* * *

"ALRIGHT! Lower that beam! Weld it on! Don't let it sag there; it'll fall apart when we start sparring! Where's that load of bricks? Start sealing the superstructure! Class B Repelling Rigs only! Class A if you can manage it. I know for a fact that my idiot of a partner has never been that good at seals. WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE, GET MOVING!"

At the screams, hordes of Narutos jumped into action, welding beams and pipes into place, rewiring over ninety-nine percent of all power to his quarters, and building a full-fledged kitchen in the former gym. "Ah. Nothing like clone labor."

* * *

Naruto plopped down on his bed and unsealed two bags full of ramen. The hotel was nice. Not quite luxury, but for a school trip, it had been better than he had expected. "Man." He muttered to himself, heating up some water before leaning back and relaxing slightly.

Before he could think anything else, the door banged open and Negi walked in, burdened down by heavy packs. Without a word, Naruto sprang up from his comfortable spot and relieved the poor kid of his packages. "You alright, Negi?"

"Yes, thank you, Naruto-san."

The blond in question waved over to the steaming bowls. "Ramen?"

Negi nodded wearily, propping his feet up on a footrest while lying down in bed. "I have a question, if you please."

Naruto popped the lid on a bowl of noodles and handed to the redhead, who accepted them and took a grateful bite before asking his question. "How can you control those two so well? I mean, I'm their teacher, and I can not make them behave."

The blond popped his own lid, took a few bites, and set his cup down before lacing his fingers and responding. "That's a question that you'll have to ask my partner. I'm not going to say the answer."

"Then-"

"Negi-sensei! There's trouble!"

"What?"

Nodoka had burst back into the room, panting. "Yes! Asuna-san and Iincho-san have started fighting in the front lobby! It's getting ugly!"

Negi covered his face with his hands. "What should I do?"

An unconcerned Naruto slurped down the last of his food, stood up, and massaged his wrists. "Tell me, does either of them know about it?"

"Yes, Asuna."

"Then I'll have a word with her. Come on, I'll show you how a master does it." With that, he walked out of the room, cracking his knuckles.

"Umm, Sensei?"

"Yes, Nodoka-san?"

"Is he going to be alright? He's just a little kid."

Negi sighed and got off the bed as well. "I'm not worried about him. I'm more concerned with what might happen to Asuna-san and Ayaka-san."

* * *

Naruto walked into the front lobby, which resembled no longer a lobby of a hotel, but rather that of a combat support hospital that had recently been bombed. Rubble and destroyed furniture was everywhere, a couple of students were nursing injuries, and the staff was having no success whatsoever in separating the two brawling girls from each other or the building.

Without showing off too much speed, he charged in, dodged three strikes from them, and grabbed their wrists as they came in to punch him, twisted the joints over his shoulders, and deftly flipped the two surprised girls through the destroyed window and into the hot springs with a flick of his wrists.

The blond wasn't done yet. He rushed into the open hot springs, and using wind and water to make ice, dropped a huge block of the crystal into the water, which immediately generated large quantities of steam, hiding everything from view.

Now that he was no longer in any danger of being spotted using any of his powers, Naruto cranked up the speed and got behind Ayaka, knocking out his fellow blond before she could even notice that he was there.

Naruto located Asuna with a quick energy pulse, the lacking return signature marking where she had absorbed the wave. Rushing forward, he grabbed her around the middle and jumped to the roof. As she tried to get up, he unsheathed two handful of kunai and pinned the struggling redhead to the roof.

"Alright, Asuna. Listen up; since I'm only gonna say this once. Do not make Negi's life harder on him. You know he's a mage?" at her nod, he continued. "Well, I'll let you in on another little secret. I can beat your sensei with one finger. I will not hesitate to blow you sky-high. Behave, and we'll all get along. I know just how to deal with brats like you."

"She was asking for it!"

Naruto shrugged. "Guess I'll have to talk to Takamichi. Maybe he can decide. Oh, wait. He's not here right now. Just behave. I've got enough problems right now without a hormonal teenage girl acting up."

"But-"

Asuna didn't get any further. Naruto flipped though a series of seals and formed a baseball bat, which he then used to brain the poor girl. "No more. Now, I'll just knock you out and we'll forget we ever had this little chat, but not the fact that you need to behave. Later."

And with that, he knocked the redhead out as well, jumping down just as the fog started to lift. It was then he noticed that Ayaka was facedown in the water and not moving. "Ah… son of a bitch."

* * *

Naruto walked past shrines and temples, munching on yet another bowl of ramen. In the middle of this tradition-steeped area, he had found a convenience store and loaded up on ramen, saying his stash at the hotel was for the hotel only.

"Look! It says here that if you reach the stone-"

The blond stepped behind another rock and threw a kunai to a nearby cliff, drawing his sword before following it up.

Even before he had fully materialized, Naruto had to swing his sword up to block an incoming strike. "Who are you? How did you get here?" The blond didn't even bother replying, instead, jumping upward, twisting, and putting his blade at her throat, or rather, he tried to.

Faster then he had ever expected, the girl had slipped out of the way and now was charging her sword with energy in a somewhat familiar way. She stuck the blade into the ground, and with a few seals, managed to counter the barrage of incoming rocks, eroding them with wind.

"I believe that question is better asked by me. Why the hell are you here? And you had better give me a straight answer before I buttrape you."

The girl sweatdropped, but as she opened her mouth to respond, another figure came charging in and knocked out the first with a firm blow to the back of the head. "Ah… sorry about that. Stupid Uzu being perverted again. I ask him to watch the group while I went to take a dump, and this happens."

Naruto sidestepped another attack, this time a lunge. "Whoa, there. I'm not your enemy! Quit throwing that piece of steel around before someone-"

"Gets hurt? I'm well aware of that."

"Apparently not." And with that, he punched the sword out of her hand and it spun upward, out of sight. "Crazy females. If you kept on swinging that sword, I would have killed you."

"I'm sworn to protect Ojou-sama. You won't stop me from-"

"Actually, yeah, if you're dead, yes I can. I'm here on orders from the principle of your school. And judging by how easily I disarmed you, any threat will-"

"I will lay down my life for her. Death is no obstacle-" she stopped at this, as she saw that Naruto had casually put a hand inside his pouch, digging around. "What are you doing? If it is to kill me-"

"Lay off the death for a while. I'm gonna see if my partner can talk some sense into you."

"Partner?"

"Yeah. He's better at talking to suicidal teenage girls then I am. Took some sort of psyche class that I skipped out on. Hey, Josh. You there?"

Instead of a human voice, the sound of crashing metal, glass, and brick came through. Naruto tapped the screen. "Josh! What the hell is going on over there?"

"Please be quiet. I do not want Ojou-sama to hear me-"

"She won't. I put up a silencing seal. Nothing short of an energy explosion is gonna get through these barriers."

At that moment, the blond twitched and threw a small disk onto the ground. Two seconds and a couple flashes of light later, a semi-transparent sliver figure appeared out of thin air. "_-Now I remember why I don't use Kage Bunshin for remodeling. All they put up is orange and they can't seem to follow instructions. Don't knock out that beam! Don't knock out that beam! It's one fucking order, and someone still knocks it down._"

"Josh. You're ranting again. Stop."

"_It's not my fault that your bunshin are idiots!_"

"They're only as stupid as the person directing them."

"_Why you little. Wait until you get back. I'm going to kill you!_"

Naruto snorted. "LIKE YOU COULD! But that's not the reason I called you. We've got another bodyguard here. Claims she doesn't need my help to protect the group. Kinda suicidal too. Tried to attack me, said that she wasn't afraid to die protecting someone. Talk some sense into her before I send her flying back to the school, will ya?"

"_Teenage girl? Black hair? Carrying a sword?_"

"Triple check."

"_Alright, hand her the transponder, and by Kami's Panties, be careful with that equipment. It's extremely fragile in broadcasting mode._"

The blond snorted again and threw another small disk to the girl, who caught it and looked at it questioningly. "What do I do with this?"

Naruto had popped another bowl of ramen. "What do you think? You look and talk at it. What else can you do with a hologram camera?" after a brief pause, he shrugged. "I suppose I could always put it in my ramen and eat it, but I don't think that my partner would appreciate seeing inside me. Just talk to it."

"Um… hello."

"_Setsuna Sakurazaki, I presume? We're here to protect the students. Why do you think otherwise?_"

"Josh. She's not one of your grunts. Quit treating her like one. Just get her to quit attacking me with her butter knife."

"_Like you have any right calling anyone else's sword a butter knife._"

"Shut up."

"_Whatever. Listen. Keep out of Naruto's way. If he gets into a fight, there's a good chance you'll get caught up in the crossfire. If you really want to, play crowd control. Trust me, the kid's a lot more then he goes on about._"

"But-"

"_If you insist, I'll drag the princple over. He won't be happy about it, but maybe that'll put you at ease._"

"No, I won't bother him."

"_Good. Now, hand this back to Naruto. I need to have a few words with him._"

Setsuna tossed the disk back to Naruto, who in turn flipped the sword back to the girl. "Do you need something?"

"_Well, I'm not sure about this. I have to tread carefully here. If not they'll detect im in orbit, and there's a lot of interference-_"

"Just get on with it."

Josh's hologram counterpart crossed its arms. "_There may be a RG here. Either extremely weak or extremely powerful. Hard to tell without getting spotted. In either case, be on your guard._"

"If they're extremely powerful, then shouldn't you be able to detect them?"

The image shifted slightly, as if the person on the other end was nervous. "_Theoretically__, yes. There is the chance, however, that this enemy has mastered the art of Shadow Supression. In which case-_"

"They're an ERG."

Josh nodded. "_Exactly. Now, I know you're powerful, but you still haven't found a way to release your PIs yet. Couple that with the fact that you can't go full tilt without it coming loose; an ERG would have no problem ripping you apart._"

"Not likely. With its power-"

The hologram took a swipe at Naruto. "_Don't you dare use it. You'll destroy everything around you! Didn't the last mission teach you anything?_"

For a few minutes, the blond sobered. "Yeah. But-"

"_No buts, Naruto. Just do the mission. I'm gonna see if I can salvage anything. Josh out._"

Sighing, Naruto swooped down to pick up the projector and slipped both into his kunai pouch. "Right. Now, what were you doing up here in the first place?"

Setsuna pointed down. "That rock can mean disaster for Negi-sensei. I've got sake barrels set up in the waterfalls. I'm trying to keep as many classmates out of this as I can."

"Well, in that case," the blonde grinned, "Let me help you out. I've wanted to pull pranks for a while now."

* * *

Ayaka walked blindfolded toward the rock as Negi looked on helplessly. "Hey. Need a hand?"

The young mage turned around to see Naruto appearing from behind a rock. "If you want a clean getaway, I suggest you come stand next to me."

The moment he did, Naruto punched the ground, and after a few seconds, the entire ground fell out from underneath the class. The blond then proceeded to falm his own face. "Damn. Too much energy. Only meant to destroy the stone."

"Destroy the stone? Are you crazy? That's a historical relic! We'd be in major trouble if we destroyed it!"

"Trouble I can deal with. It's the fangirls that I'm scared of."

"But-"

"Now you're starting to sound like your students. Come on, lets go dig your class out of the rubble. Maybe I can fix it before anyone notices."

"How?"

Naruto smirked. "I love these one word questions. Well, let's just say it pays to be a Anicent Elemental Master sometimes… other times, it just gets me in trouble."

As the two moved toward the rubble, the blond suddenly stopped and glanced over a shoulder. "Naruto-san. Is there something wrong?"

The guardian continued to stare for a while, then shook his head. "Its… nothing. Probably just some bad soup. Let's go digging!"

With that, the two started shifting rubble away from the fallen girls and taking stock of injuries. But no matter how hard they worked, Negi noticed, Naruto's head was always slightly cocked back to look in that direction. Something was watching them.

* * *

"Are you serious? There is _no fucking way_ I am going in there!"

"It's just for a few minutes!"

Naruto clung resolutely to the streetlight. "No way. The last time I went into one of those things, I got ambushed by fangirls. There is no way I am going to willingly walk back into one of those things."

Setsuna put her foot down. "Naruto. It's your job to guard our group. I can't do it alone."

The blond still resolutely clung to the pole. "If you want an escort, I'll have a shadow clone run you in, but he won't stay. In extremely hostile enviroments, the chakra tends to congeal very quickly and warps the shell. Besides, they all have my fear of the place."

"It's just a cosplay-"

"Exactly, Negi. That's why I'm scared. Too many hiding spots. I'm not allowed to attack unless you guys are threatened. I'm gonna go find a ramen shop. Nothing like some steaming broth to soothe the soul."

"But, your job?"

Naruto let go of the pole and made a shadow clone. "He'll take you in. If you need help," and handed Setsuna a Kunai, "Throw this. I'll know and come charging in. Just give me a sec to finish my mouthful first."

"That's what she said."

"Paru? Umm, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, hey, Nodoka! Who's the kid?"

"What I am Ninja! He is Ninja! She is Nin-ja too! I am Ninja! We are Ninja!"

"That's enough, Naruto-san. Go have your ramen now."

"Right. Remember, I don't like that place. Don't take too long. The sooner you get out, the sooner you get protection. On second thought, take your time. The more time you take, the more ramen I get to eat."

Before anyone could say anything, Naruto rushed down the street, jumped around a corner, and disappeared from sight.

"Well… Who's up to reenacting some movies?"

"ME!"

* * *

Naruto ducked into a back alley and hid behind a trash can, all the while drawing his sword. He pulled out the disk and threw it on the ground. "Josh. Come on… pick up already…"

"Josh here. Need an explosion? We got everything from Nukes to Obibital Bombardments. How may I help you."

"Oh, ha ha. Listen, I don't have long."

"Obviously, if you're calling without a ringer."

"Something's following us here."

"Don't have to tell me. I've got something on my end too. Stretch that three minutes to ten. Maybe fifteen for a high-leveled one."

"There's more then one here. It's not the same person following us around."

"I've got six here. How many you got?"

Naruto glanced around before replying. "Two, maybe three. Hard to tell. Lots of locals in the area. A few of them have a respectable amount of power."

"Whatever. Like I said, I'll have the jet fired up and ready to go. Josh, out."

The blond snatched up the disk and tucked it away just in time for him to react. He swung his sword up and neatly bisected a knife, catching the message on the end. It read, _Surrender now. We know what you are._

Naruto growled and crushed the note.

* * *

Author's Note.

It's been a while, hasn't it.

Sorry about the late update, but school is really killer. Junior year is murder on time.

Anyway, I've been planning out this series in my head, along with toying with the idea of two more stories. Both Prequels to the Guardian Trilogy, One with Fullmetal Alchemist, the other Harry Potter. I've got the first half of both planned out.

So, now that i'm on winter break and have a bunch of chapters planned out, i'll get right to work. Timeless is way behind schedule, but if all goes well (Which i hope, but doubt), i'll have Chapter XVIII out in 3-4 days. Orange Lightning is going to be tricky to continue, but i'll hope for the best.

And now, for the announcer part.

"What threat do Josh and Naruto see looming? What could possibily make them nervous? WHAT IS HE DOING HIDING LIKE A LOST PUPPY? Find out next time or Orange Lightning, A Naruto/Negima fanon."

That pretty much wraps it up. If you haven't seen my other piece, hop on over a read it. I have to warn you though, some parts are going to change. I started that way back when i first started Naruto, and some of the mistakes are embarassing. Jitsu? Yeah.

Until next time,

Xingster


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter III: Followed, Watched, Action

Naruto poked his head around the corner, retracted it, and then closed his eyes to detect energy signatures. His sensei had tried to teach him this, but he had never fully grasped it, so what little he did have would have to do for now.

He didn't find much. A couple of ducks floating by, several deer, a handful of squirrels, and a shitload of tourists. Nobody with any real power aside from Negi and Setsuna. Wait. Two figures were rapidly retreating to the southeast.

The blond started to move, then checked the action. They were headed straight over the fair. Great. Into the lion's den again.

Naruto kicked off, transforming into his older self as he went. This way, at least, his cover would remain partially intact.

Regulating his flight with bursts of chakra from his left hand, his right drew his sword as he closed on the two targets, firing off a handful of bursts of energy from the tip.

The two figures stopped in midair, twisted, and deflected the energy pulses. Not like Naruto really intended to kill them with that anyway. The energy concentration and amount was far too low, not to mention the lack of stealth and speed.

"Who are you? And why did you throw that at me?"

The figures didn't bother to respond, instead leaping forward in attack.

"UZU! Get your ass down here!"

Two streaks of orange collided with two black in a shower of exploding sparks as they faced off, striking at each other with swords, clones, and massive energy techniques.

To any unwitting spectators that might have been watching from below, it would have resembled nothing more than a fireworks display.

* * *

"Initial Guardian Art: Bunker Buster!"

The missile soared though the air, got clipped by an outstretched staff, spun out of control, then self-destructed, as per the safety regulations.

"Just what the hell are you?"

The group didn't respond, instead, renewing their attack on the swordsman. "Fine, a strong and silent type? More like a bunch of mute douchebags, if you ask me. Initial Guardian Art:" he intoned, raising his sword. "Blazing Ice Blade!"

"Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

Josh ducked his own attack. The shield had been so well-cast that his attack, instead of being absorbed and neutralized as was the norm, was deflected right back at him. For anyone to have reversed even a lower attack of a member of The Ten was astonishing. Naruto was hard-pushed to do that on a good day, and yet, in the middle of heated combat, this unknown person had turned it against him.

"Not half-bad. But can you stop the day, as well as night? Initial Guardian Art: Freezing Flame Blade!"

The one that had blocked his attack sidestepped, exposing a second figure behind him, which mouthed rapidly before dropping to one knee, forming the translucent Guardian Shield and deflecting this one as well, this time in the direction of his idling jet.

"Now that's just playing dirty. Initial Guardian Art: Guardian Shield!"

"Initial Guardian Art: Iaiken."

"Wait, what?"

Two beams of light soared in and socked the two who had blocked his attack. After the dust cloud had thinned somewhat, it revealed a smiling Takamichi. "You didn't think you were the only guardian here, did you?"

"We'll talk later." Josh said shortly as he readied his blade again. Ima let you finish, but I'm gonna take out these bastards first."

"Fair enough. Initial Guardian Art…"

* * *

"Initial Guardian Art: Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

"… Katon: Phoenix Spark."

"Comon, Uzu… a little more feeling."

"… Nah. It's bad for my health."

While the two blonds were bickering, the other two figures had cut a swath through the Phoenix Sparks, coming within sword range. "Initial Guardian Art-"

"RASENGAN!"

Before they could a shield up, Naruto whacked one of them with a Rasengan, Uzu taking a nice fist to the other. "Now, as I was saying-"

"… Not really the time and place for this."

"Fair point. Initial Guardian Art…"

* * *

"Blazing Ice Blade!"

As the last of the unknowns were cleaved in half, Josh slotted away his sword and turned to Takamichi, scowling. "All right, fess up. That energy signature from earlier. That was yours, wasn't it?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said, but smiling while he did so.

"Bullshit. A Two Hundred Seventy Thousand, while not that powerful, doesn't just waltz out of nowhere. The strongest ever known Non-Guardian clocked in at a mere Fifty Thousand. The way you channel energy screams your Guardian Ability."

"True, I am nothing compared to your awe-inspiring Two Hundred and Eighty Million with one PI Released and still in your regular mind, Major. Or your partner's overwhelming Three Hundred Thirty Seven Million, but-"

Takamichi didn't get any further, as Josh had his combat knife at his neck. "How the fuck do _you_ know our combat levels?"

"I know more then I let on."

"Straight answer, before I jam this into your skull."

"Ha?"

Before he could say another word, Josh had Takamichi in a headlock, knife touching his scalp. "Last chance. You know that I can destroy you without a second thought. After all, you have my power level. You know yours. So why don't you tell me _how_ you know before I spill even more blood all over the place?"

* * *

"And that's a wrap. Two silent idiots down, and nobody's the wiser."

"… uhh, boss? You might want to look down."

"Ah, fuck."

As they had fought, the fight had descended from the realm of ten thousand all the way down to five hundred feet, leaving them both in easy view of the crowds. Only one way out now.

"Initial Guardian Art: Shadow Flash!"

The IG: Shadow Flash is a technique designed for wiping the short-term memory of any non-guardian human in a fifteen mile radius. Being such a low-powered technique, it only took out the last fifteen minutes. There are more powerful variants, and other equally powered alternatives, but due to his piss-poor energy control and lack of properly sized equipment pouches, this was his only choice.

"…We might want to go down before they recover. The flash won't work a second time."

Another drawback is that, as Uzu just kindly told us, is that the Shadow Flash cannot be used consecutively. After the first use, anyone caught in it gets a temporary immunity from the light, rendering it useless for the next two hours.

"Right. Going down."

* * *

Josh sighed, tightened his grip, and twisted…

Sending the bottle cap flying off into the distance before tossing it to Takamichi, who accepted it with a hasty swig. "Ah… a bottle of Micha's finest? Haven't had this stuff in years…"

"Well, don't get used to it. I only carry a case of that for special occasions. I guess meeting an undercover mole for colonization is considered special. Cheers."

"I still can't believe you've never met a mole. There are thousands of us. The odds…"

"We're a specialized hit squad. Our talents aren't used for sealing bijuu, though we're really good at that. But how did you get those numbers? We took that test last year. You've been here for twenty. There's a spiraling barrier around this place, so we can't even get out. We tried, and wound up destroying Eva's house by accident."

Takamichi took his time with his drink before replying. "I can't legally say. However," he said, uncurling his fist. "It involves one of these things and a single-shot transponder. Any spiraling barrier has a small hole. Not enough to blast a guardian through, but more then enough to push a small beam of data through. This one links to one of your uncle's secretaries."

Josh slipped on his eyepiece again, taking a close look at the small chip. "Looks like a standard data and transponder chip to me."

"Then that thing must not be calibrated properly." Takamichi replied casually, throwing the bottle into the nearby lake. "Look again. Manuel Calibration this time."

The silver guardian raised one hand to his eyepiece, twirling a holographic knob on the side. "Now let's see here…"

* * *

"Had fun at the death trap?"

"It wasn't a death trap, Naruto-san. But it was harrowing. Setsuna-san's injured, but Konoka-san cleared her right up. Something is definitely up with those three."

"…Three?" Uzu said sharply. Well, as sharply as Uzu could manage, which was about as sharp as a wet sponge.

"Hai. One Shinmei-ryu swordsman, one eastern mage, and one western mage. We got away, but we were then trapped in some sort of loop-"

"Let me guess. Never-ending time-space spatial loop?"

"Sort of. How did you know?"

"… We felt it being set up. Those things require a fair bit of energy, through this one was more like pitching a tent. The boss and Josh use them for catching fish."

Anyway, we're on our way to the Kansai Magic Association Headquarters right now. Want to come?"

"Nothing better to do at the moment. I'm in. As long as we get a place to eat. Comon, Uzu."

"… you and your stomach."

As the group walked down the path, Negi being carried by Asuna again, Uzu and fifteen Kage Bunshin providing the rear guard, Asakura, Haruna, Yue, and Nodoka rounding out the bunch.

"Well, this is a nice change. Some traditional buildings. I feel like whipping out a Raikiri and-"

Before any of them could process what he had said, a kunai sliced to the air and thunked into the back of Naruto's skull.

As the group stared wide-eyed at a falling corpse, it disappeared, replaced by a falling log. "Gee, Uzu. Did you really have to throw something that hard? I felt that."

"… You just blew my cover."

"_You _blew your own cover by throwing that kunai at me."

"Uhh, Naruto-san? W-why are there two of you?"

"See what I mean? You blew our cover!"

"… You're the one who mentioned a Raikiri on the landscape. Last time you did that, you triggered a wildfire, landslide, earthquake, and volcanic eruption. We don't need that, especially not in Japan."

"… Fine, fine. As Paru knows, can I call you Paru? I am a Ninja. NINJA OF THE NIG-"

"… What my boss is trying to say is that he can make Kage Bunshin, like the ones behind you, and Chakra Bunshin, like myself."

Asuna was unconvinced. "Oh really? How do we know you aren't just a bunch of twins or something?"

Uzu sighed. Naruto usually tried to get some more enthusiasm into him, but had to agree this time. "… First of all, genius, twins are two identical people. There are seventeen of us surrounding you. And second of all, Boss, use a Raikiri, just don't blast it into the ground."

Naruto was one step ahead of him. "One step ahead of ya." Forming the familiar seals rapidly, he grasped his left wrist, bolts of lightning already sparking everywhere. "Raiton: Raikiri!"

"… Not too much. Too much, and you'll fry the local electronics. That or-"

"Konoka-sama?"

"… you'll attract attention. Great."

* * *

"Seventh Generation Nanotechnology? I didn't know they made things like this yet."

"More advanced then Jabba could ever get his fat fingers around. He's good, but his gear is based on Late Fifth Generation processes. Runs slower and hotter then what Central comes up with."

"_Central_ puts more bugs in their hardware then bees in a beehive. I don't trust them, despite the fact that my uncle runs the place. Too many rogue spies. I've taken out six by myself." Josh gripped as he flipped the chip over, examining the back. "Although, I have to admit, this is really nice work. The integrated circuits blend in really well with the rest of chip. Even fooled my sensors for a moment." He returned the chip, pulling out a larger model. "This is what I picked up from Jabba before we left for vacation. Powerful hardware, but Naruto can't use it. Last time he tried, he wound up burning off all the skin from his hand. Bitched at me for that for days."

"I can't say I blame him. Frying your hand is not good, especially for an energy-type like him. Releasing energy-"

"I know how to channel energy, thank you."

"I see. But-"

"No more. I need to get back on standby. Naruto may need help, and I need to make sure that building gets back into one piece. Where are you supposed to be?"

"The states. Hawaii, to be exact. Can I hitch a ride?"

Josh sighed, eyeing the busy Kage Bunshin. "Do you know how to use an Obibital Drop Pod?"

* * *

"I have a letter from the Chief of the East, for you, Chief of the West. Please accept it."

"I know all about it." Eishun said, accepting the letter and unfolding it. "Haha… Father-in-law is as harsh as always. Very well, you have my word that we will work to settle our differences-"

As the pleasantries were being exchanged, the two ninja were having a heated, yet whispered argument in the background, out of earshot from everyone else.

"… He's a Guardian. How can you not tell? I hate arguing, but this is dangerous."

"He's not a Guardian. His energy doesn't have the right type of-"

"…Boss. I've always been better at sensing energy then you. I've never really been the frontline combat type, despite what you've tried to make me do. Trust me; this guy is a Guardian, or a former one, at any rate."

"It's only your word. We'll have to ask him, and how he got in here. If there's a way in, there's a way out. "

"… Let's get back to them. I just heard the word 'Feast'. If he is a Guardian, he'll eat like one. Come on."

* * *

"_Dropping in two minutes. Hey, remember to bring it back to me. These things don't come cheap, you know_."

"Where's the forward stabilizer?"

"_Nine o' clock from the airspeed. Hit that, and all four fins eject. When it falls to five thousand feet, three parachutes deploy, no need for manual deployments. Radar Proximity does all that for you. Just release the fins as soon as you clear the aircraft. Tumbling out of control can have nasty side-effects. Like hitting the ground at supersonic speeds. I don't care if you are immortal, that is still going to hurt like a bitch._"

"Well, I'll see you in a few days. Just don't tell the headmaster I was back at the academy."

"_Can do. If I remember, that is. Dropping in two… one… PICKLE!_"

The pod fell away; rapidly spinning until the fins smoothly slid out and locked in place, slowing the rotation down. Unfortunately, Josh, being Josh doing a favor for someone, forgot something of his own. What he forgot was to activate the stealth coating on his fighter. Combined with his maneuvering after dropping the pod off, his shape, and his diving toward Guam, it shouldn't surprising in the least when a flock of Patriot Missiles, F-18s, and F-15s were sent up to intercept.

Of course, traveling at those speeds, the F-18s were no threat, leaving only the Patriot Missiles and the F-15's Slammers as any threat, clocking in at Mach Five and Four, respectively. Of course, Josh, not expecting any trouble, had no countermeasures loaded, which included a lack of jamming, flares, and chaff. In other words, the only thing he had going for him was his blazing speed.

Which he used to great effect.

"Ah fuck." Josh muttered and he flicked the throttle wide, igniting his orbital engines.

Now would be a very good time to describe the bird that Josh is piloting.

Armed with enough weapons to fight off a battle group and outrun pretty much any other fighter, he piloted a modified IF9. How it was modified was extremely obvious. Any guardian would have known the IF9, an older model jet. However, after Josh picked up his secondhand, along with a dozen spares, he had commissioned Jabba to modify the wing, expanding it dramatically and adding on four additional engines.

In addition to the built-in Ramjet engines, which were upgraded to increase thrust and fuel efficiency, a pair of Scramjet was added for high-speed in-atmosphere cruising, and a set of cut-down Nuclear Pulse Engines for interplanetary cruising and orbital boosts. Each engine had an intake cover for when it wasn't used. The engines could boost him all the way up to five-one hundredths of the speed of light in a vacuum, but only Mach Six in a standard atmosphere. Take it up too high, and the plane would melt. Take it too low, and you'll stall.

The jet wasn't only fast, it was well armed. Using a revolutionary new rotary system, missiles were loaded and fired from struts that resembled a gatling gun. That led to a grand total of a hundred and eight missiles on twelve racks, plus up to a dozen unguided Bunker Busters, or eight guided Bunker Busters in the bomb bay.

Throw in VTOL, or Vertical Take-off/Landing, which essentially means it can hover, an extremely powerful energy shield, three inches of energy-resistant armor, and the ability to convert the bomb bay into a stripped-down Core Cannon, a anti-everything weapon, and you've got one deadly warbird. It only lacked one thing.

And that was the ability to dogfight.

Because it weighed three hundred and fifty thousand pounds unloaded and unfueled, it handled much like a winged brick. Once it got its forward momentum going, you had better be prepared for a bloody nose to stop it, because those little anti-aircraft guns aren't going to do jack shit to a fighter that weighted six hundred thousand pounds on standard takeoff.

However, even a winged brick will hit a bird occasionally. Of course, when the said brick has the ability to fire anti-aircraft missiles faster then a sailor swears, it can shoot down even the nimblest of falcons. Try avoiding six radar-guided missiles on your tail. I guarantee you can't do it.

Apart from that one glaring weakness, this fighter packed quite a wallop. In fact, this permutation was so powerful, that Josh, after building his lot and presenting it to central for registration, locked down the design and made him swear never to export it. True, it was not the strongest, but the availability of parts and the simplicity of the design made it dangerous in the wrong hands.

So, back to Josh, who had just floored his jet.

The exhaust trail, barely visible when cruising in ramjet mode, literally exploded as the automatic shifting quickly maxed out the ramjets, phased in the scramjets, slammed the door on the ramjets, and then did the same for the pulse engines. He quickly rose from just over Mach 1 to suborbital speed, then exceeded that in favor of high orbit, where he could earn a brief reprieve.

"Naruto. This had better be worth it." He muttered as he flicked on stealth protocols, fading into the background radiation of space.

* * *

As Josh was cruising around twenty thousand miles above their heads, Naruto and Uzu, not fully caring that he was staring wistfully at a floating biscuit, were having a full-out drinking contest. A contest that neither side had much of an advantage on.

Naruto, being the original, was made of organic material. However, he also had Kyuubi, a demonic spirit that just LOVED to absorb alcohol. Whatever he drank, the fox absorbed. Therefore, he couldn't get drunk.

Uzu was just as well-backed. Being a fragment of Naruto's mind, he lacked a body of his own. The Chakra Bunshin that he inhabited did not have the ability to absorb alcohol. He also lacked the ability to get drunk.

Bypassing the traditional glasses, they were now staring each other down, bottles in hand, drinking one after another. As soon as one chugged a bottle, the other would do the same, the first picking up the next bottle. The litter of empty bottles dropped in haste while reaching for the next one was growing, and everyone was staring at the two blonds, whom didn't look like to be stopping anytime soon.

"Ano, Negi-sensei? Are they going to be alright?"

Konoka's father was also chuckling nervously. "And that's eighty percent proof sake as well. Quite a nice resistance to alcohol. It's almost as if…"

"Chief?"

"… No, it's nothing, Setsuna-kun. Enjoy the festivities, and thank you again for protecting Konoka these last two years."

"No, it's my-"

"HEY, CHIEF!"

"… We need two barrels."

"Turns out we can't go on like this. You're gonna run out. So we've decided to drink a barrel each. First person to finish wins. So, do you have a barrel? Or two?"

Eishun smiled and gestured. Two barrels were rolled out. "Enjoy."

* * *

"Ha. You suck at drinking!"

"… Yes, boss. It really reflects on my drinking ability when you set my barrel on fire and hit me with lightning."

"Naruto-san, that was amazing. How did you-"

"Trade secret." The said blond interrupted before the mage could finish.

"… As with all of our stuff. Join the trade, learn the secrets. And speaking of secrets…"

Naruto sighed, sliding open the door to the indoor hot springs. "Uzu here thinks that you're a Guardian. I told him-"

What he told him specifically, we'll never know, for at that moment, Eishun pulled out a sword from inside his towel and attacked Naruto. Naruto counterattacked with two kunai as Uzu pulled Negi away from the fight. "… Stay here kid, out of trouble. If we should lose, by whatever shitty luck the gods give us, run and get Josh. Take this transponder. Drop it gently on a solid surface, and you'll have an instant linkup. Good luck, kid."

With that, he jumped into the brawl, attempting to tackle the swordsman, who countered and drilled a hole through his chest, to be replaced by water, with both blonds rapidly regrouping and launching another counterattack, Rasengans outstretched.

As quietly as he could, Negi slipped into the baths, hiding his head below the rim of the pool, hoping not to be noticed.

* * *

"Woah, Woah, old man! If you're not rogue, we're not your enemy!"

"… Uh, I don't think he's listening."

"Well-" he said, dodging a rapid flurry of strikes. "That much is obvious. Wanna trap his sword?"

"… Do I really have to?"

"Just do it before I trap my blade up your-"

"… All right, All right." Uzu said resignedly, which took absolutely no effort on his part, being so damn lazy to begin with.

Naruto leapt back as Uzu stepped forward, and this time, when Eishun stabbed forward, the latter didn't dodge, instead, pivoting, allowing the blade to connect, and immediately bending the sword on the other end, stopping the extraction.

"… Ow. Boss, this really hurts. That means he's a guardian."

"Either that, or you're just getting soft." Naruto quipped as he quickly disarmed Konoka's father. "All right. Now that you've stabbed someone, let's get the questions over with."

* * *

"_Josh to Kage Bunshin. Do you have the loader ready?_"

Static for a few seconds, then a choppy reply from earth. "We've got one combat load ready, but the Japanese Self-Defense Forces are on high alert. Takamichi left a radio, and anything that comes in is going to be detected. Any ideas?"

He briefly chewed his lip, fiddled with the control stick, checking to make sure that nothing was about to smack into him, then clicked the radio back on. "_All right. I can't do it from up here, but look for the radar scanner. I think I left it in the toolbox._"

The sound of crashing metal and boxes beamed through the radio, which had obviously not been turned off, made Josh wince. _That's more shit I have to clean up after I get this sorted out. That's more away from my eating and sleeping time. Fuck…_

"We found it!" one of the Kage Bunshin yelled.

"No, wait. I found it!"

"No, ME!"

"YOU WANNA FIGHT OVER IT!"

"BRING IT! RASENGAN!"

Josh sighed as the Kage Bunshin destroyed each other in their arguments. "Ah, fuck it. I'll just head to the south pole and boost up from there. Might take a bit longer then I had hoped, but Naruto should be able to hold up." he muttered to himself as he reoriented the jet, puffing on the engines as to change orbit, but not draw any attention.

Had anyone been watching, it would have seemed as though a set of crystals were being thrown out, drifting and sparkling in the everlasting night.

"Transcending Everlasting Time indeed…" he muttered as he reoriented himself southward and flicking the engines to ten percent, chugging steadily south, carefully monitoring his progress and keeping one eye open for any sign of trouble.

* * *

"For the last fucking time, we're not rogues! What do we have to do to prove that we're not rogues?"

"Where's your commission letter?"

"…We told you already. Getting here was an accident. We're technically on vacation. Boss forgot to turn off the emergency transponder, so we got diverted in our jump. This isn't an officially sanctioned mission."

"That means you're rogues!"

"Ok, how about this? Next time you get lost, we'll jump out and start attacking you cuz we think you're rogue! Josh is the director's nephew, Goddamnit!"

Eishun, having been relieved of his sword and daggers, had started picking up random objects and attempting to use them as makeshift weapons. So far, he had appropriated two vases, a loose floorboard, several side tables, a curtain rod, and three cats. Needless to say, none of these lasted long against the two blonds.

"… PETA is going to be on our asses at this rate." Uzu sighed as Eishun picked up his fourth cat, grasping it by the tail and channeling energy through it to make it stiff as a board. "I really don't want to have to deal with them again."

"Almost as bad as the time where Josh decided to roast a cow right in front of them. I _still_ find pieces of rocks lodged in the roof sometimes."

"… let's get this over with before he tries energy blasts. I don't think this place could take a stray pulse."

"Right. Initial Guardian Art- Come on, Uzu, I ain't doing this by myself-"

"… Fine, fine. Initial Guardian Art-" he intoned, pulling out a sword, mirroring Naruto.

"Hundred Moonbeam Seal!"

"… Hundred Moonbeam Seal…"

"Initial Guardian Art: Moonbeam Counter!"

"What!"

As the threads of white light enveloped the swordsman, he channeled energy into his body, spewing it all out and causing the seal to lose coherison, scattering like so many sakura petals.

"… Such an advanced technique… who are you?"

"Fuck this shit. If we can't hold him down with moonbeams, let's try the other one-"

"… Not ready yet, boss. Just paralyze him and get it over with. That hot spring sounds better and better every second."

"Well," he muttered, flipping through more seals rapidly. "It's a damn good think I picked this up from Pikachu, even if I can't boost it-"

"… just do it before he picks up his eighth cat."

Uzu had a fair point. Eishun had picked up a cat in both hands and bit down a seventh tail, looking for all the world, a circus freak.

"Right… Well-" Naruto muttered, cracking his fingers. "Raiton-" he muttered, finishing up the seal sequence. "Kaminari-ha!"

"Han Kaminari Parusu!"

"… You gotta be kidding me. This old geezer knows the Lightning and Thunder Counterpulse? What is he? The way he moved looked like a swordman, but even Josh can't do a Counterpulse."

"Well, whatever it is," the original said as he leapt back, rapidly sealing. "We'll have to do it the hard way. Futon: Falcon Gale!"

"Kaze no Chuwa!"

The semi-translucent bolt of wind dissipated, leaving Naruto kneeling there, looking like a fool.

"… Wow… Wind Neutralization? Just what the hell is he?"

Naruto didn't respond, instead forming even more seals. "Katon: Phoenix Flame!"

"Shoka."

Before the powerful lance could get more than five feet away from the caster, it too fizzled out.

"…Wow. Triple counter. Boss, he's got you good. Boss?"

"RAITON! RAIKIRI!"

"Han Kaminari Parusu!"

The Raikiri, being far more powerful then the previously fired Thunder Wave, took longer to dissipate, but it too faded. However…

"Let's see you counter my fist!"

"Gladly." And with that, using his longer arms, socked Naruto right in the face.

"… and what a hit."

Eishun turned to look at Uzu.

"… and it looks like I'm next. Fuck."

* * *

Josh cruised in just over the Antarctic Polar Ice Cap, stealth engaged and heat recycling active. "Looks like we're clear. Right? Bon-Bon?"

To the average person who didn't know Josh that well, it would have seemed as though he was talking to an imaginary person. After all, the cockpit was quite empty, with Takamichi having long since been dropped over the tropical islands some three thousand miles away.

"Yes, Josh. I am maintaining a detective net for stealth-sensitive radar. Passive sensors are engaged. The jet is running at seventy percent of stealth potential. Increasing pulse thrust. Further orders?"

"Yeah. Pull out of diagnostic mode and back into standard mode. Fucking Naruto made all the controls readjust themselves. _This_ is why I _asked_ for physical controls, not this piece of guided mind shit. Too easy to fuck with."

"Hmm… well, everything is good." With that, the forward screen blazed to life, showing not a map or chart, but a woman's face. "You finally called on me."

Josh snorted. "I would have given you more time off after that last fiasco we went through, but he fucked with my reentry controls, so I had no choice. Are we still in the clear."

She rolled her eyes, tossing her black locks behind one holographic shoulder. "Yes, we're in the clear. I set the alarm to trigger if something pings us. So, what have you been up to since you powered me down?"

He shrugged, relaxing slightly as he put the jet on autopilot. "Not much. We were going to go on vacation, but those plans got nerfed thanks to Naruto and his emergency transponder. We're stuck here for now, but I'm trying to figure out a way to punch a stable enough hole in a spiral barrier for us to get out of here."

Bonnie's avatar's eyes narrowed. "Spiral barrier? You know I don't like those sort of jokes."

Josh waved both hands in a futile attempt to placate her. Although she was only an AI, he relied on her for most of his precise calculations. He would often call out to his onboard computer, but that ancient piece of crap was powered by her. If she went on strike, then a good chunk of his techniques would be out of commission until they made back up. Not the most promising of possibilities at the present moment, considering that it required Orange Lightning _and Four_ Sacred Bunker Busters to break through a dimensional barrier.

Without her aid, there was no way for him to properly calibrate the warheads without having a sixty-five percent premature detonation rate, which is what his record was. And after you consider the sheer firepower of one warhead, which shipped from Jabba's lab unfocused and unsafetied, the explosion would take out a good chunk of wherever they happened to be at the time, and with the potential for four to fail, and the prospect for repercussions was pretty bleak. There wasn't that much they could do to him, but it would be as annoying as hell.

"Ah, well, if it makes you feel any better-"

"Which I doubt." She growled, causing his speakers to rattle slightly.

"I met a mole here. He says there's a way out, but it only occurs once every two local years."

"A mole. A MOLE! AND HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP US! THEY ARE THE WEAKEST OF THE WEAK, SENT OUT ON SCOUTING MISSIONS TO HELP THE GUARDIANS EXPAND! THEY FIT IN BECAUSE THEY ARE SO WEAK! I SHOULD-"

What she would or would not have threatened to do or done with any part of Josh, he didn't find out. For at that moment, not only did the speakers blow out in their cradles, but their shield got pinged by stealth-sensitive radar, ever so slightly, but it was enough for a radar return from the distressed AI to the radar receiver, which immediately diverted all aircraft toward them.

Sixty McDonnell-Douglas F-18 Hornets were pulled from their searching pattern and sent toward the coordinates, their combined radars forming nets that would detect anything that was fired. Of course, he didn't have to fire anything to get away.

"Bonnie, we'll talk about how to get out of her later. Return to Diagnostic Mode and plot a course for the horn of Africa, but avoid ground radars at all cost. Fly at Minimum Safe Altitude, use COLA."

"No."

"Bonnie, if you don't, we'll be forced to engage more then ten thousand aircraft with no weapons. I don't fancy having to ram ten thousand aircraft, so please?"

"… Fine. But you are _not_ getting out of this so easily. I'll expect a way out soon, or I'll tell-"

"Duly noted." Josh replied flatly, double-checking to make sure that all available stealth functions were engaged, then changing his heading, lighting engines to full, changing heading, and switching to internal life support to avoid getting whacked by the waste electrons now bouncing around the energy shield.

"Naruto… You had better have something for me…"

* * *

"Uzu. Find anything?"

"…A wallet, two fans, a hat, and three toenail clippers. Huh. Odd. A triformal seal isn't usually that powerful…"

"But it does not matter! For we have captured the demon! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-da-da-da!"

"… I swear, ever since you met Tidus, you've been chanting that annoying song every time after a fight…"

"WHAHAHAHA!"

Uzu just sighed and pushed their captive into the hot springs next to a staring Negi, who was lobster red at this point. "…Hey, kid. You really should be careful. You'll pass out at this rate."

"HAHAHA!"

He sighed, creating an azure sphere, slightly off kilter of the standard Rasengan. "… Suiton: Rasengan…"

The near-boiling water swirled into a whirlpool, sucking the four men into the middle, holding them there for a few seconds before Uzu let the Rasengan fade and the water rush back into the middle.

"… I hope you're back to normal…"

"Somewhat… Ah, this water feels nice…"

"…Ah… Suiton: Aqua Tension…"

As Uzu melted into the water, Naruto turned to face a struggling Eishun. "There's no point in struggling. Josh uses the same damn thing when he needs us to pay attention and quit attacking him. I've been trying, but I still haven't managed to break out of it once in these last thousand years."

Forming two more Kage Bunshin, they quickly made a bowl of ramen for the original, who accepted it and dismissed the clones. "We're not hostiles. Now, just tell me your story, and I'll let you go."

Eishun, seeing the fact that his captor had started eating casually in front of him, relaxed slightly. "You're not rogue?"

Uzu sighed, and in his liquid form, the voice came through muffled. "… Of course not. The Boss's squadmate is the Director's Nephew. Even if we defected, we wouldn't get very far."

"Anyway. What's your story? Uzu always gets on my case if I don't ask that…"

* * *

"SAMs inbound. Stealth coating on Energy Shield showing anomalies. Directions?"

Josh sighed and tried to rub his temples through his helmet with zero success. "Why is there never a beer when I need one the most?" he muttered to himself, taking up manual controls, veering away from the inbound missiles.

* * *

Author's Note.

YOYOYO!

It's been roughly six months, and i'm finally back. For the five of you who are still here, i'm back.

However, expect the next chapter to come very soon. I'm not going to say when, but just look at the date published and do the math.

Anyway, yeah, like i said on my other piece, Orange Lightning will soon be joined by two more prologues, each of them crossing with something else. One of them you've almost certainly heard of, the other you may have in passing. Look for "Scar of Lightning, Lightning Scar" and "Silver Precurser" coming on the same day as the next chapter of Orange Lightning!

To the Announcer Part!

Ehem.

"After evading the Earth's Air Forces and Air Defenses, Josh cruises back toward Japan and Mahora at top speed! Who or what is Eishun? Does Negi have mental tramua yet? Find out next time on Orange Lightning, a Negima/Naruto Crossover!"

Ah...

That's it, i think.

Well, until next time,

Xingster.

Ja ne.


	5. Chapter 4

I dont own Naruto or Negima. This will be the last disclaimer. All further disclaimers will refer back to this one.

Chapter IV: Confrontation, a Rogue Guardian?

"So you aren't rogue…"

"That's exactly what we've been trying to tell you for the last half hour, Jiji!"

"… What he said."

"Well, in that case." Eishun finally relaxed somewhat. "I apologize. We've had our fair share of rogues to deal with."

"Old man, you've been apologizing. This hot spring is great! The only thing missing is my ramen… Oh, hey there, Negi. Gee, you don't look too well…"

It was the truth.

Negi, not from Japan or a Japanese-based culture, like Naruto was, had been overexposed to the heat and steam inside the bath and now resembled a lobster. However, when he spoke, his voice was surprisingly stable.

"Naruto-san, Uzu-san, Eishun-dono. Have you settled your differences?"

"Pretty much. Do you still have the transponder?"

Negi swallowed. "Umm, I kinda put it underwater…"

Uzu palmed his face. "… Man. Josh is going to give us so much shit…"

* * *

"Ha! So that's how you got laid!"

"Yep. Konoka's mom was a tigress."

"… Speaking of Konoka, she's coming here."

"Uzu. Here? As in, the Hot Springs?"

"… No. She's headed for the cold springs. Of course, the hot springs. That's generally what a person means by saying 'coming here'."

"Let's get out of here! We can't both be in here!"

"Wait, old man. Stay absolutely still. Let's try something."

As Konoka slid the door open, Naruto finished flipping through a complex series of seals, muttered under his breath, then poofed into smoke himself.

As the girls got into the bath, the three disguised males sneaked out of the springs as disguised servants, Uzu still part of the water.

* * *

Josh was cruising over the Himalayas, dodging the occasional Russian-made SAM fired at him. After he had gotten out of range of the Aussie jets, he had run smack-dab within visual range of an AA site, which opened fire on his jet. Needless to say, with most of the Egyptian Air Force on his tail, he was in no mood to be talking.

"Bon-bon. Give me best vector back to Mahora. No lip, just get me there. If there are any Narutos left on the ground, tell them to get ready for a resupply. I'll be activating my stealth."

"Roger that." The metallic voice returned.

As a further anti-theft device, only a select handful could activate the Jet's stealth, and nobody could do it from inside the cockpit. It wasn't until after the pilot had gotten out of the seat and pressed his palm against a certain area of the jet that it would activate its stealth coating, fading away. Hiding in interplanetary space is one thing. Hiding in an atmosphere with an abundance of gas and moisture was something completely else.

"Bonnie. Sit-rep on Jet Combat Readiness."

The displays whirred briefly before the same voice replied. "Engines at Eighty-Six Percent optimal capacity. Fusion Fuel Supply at Ninety-Eight Percent. Non-Fusion Fuel Supply at Sixty-Seven Percent. Hull Integrity at Ninety-Three Percent. Avionics at full. Weapons are at Zero Percent. Energy Shield at Fifty-Four Percent. Energy Shield Generator Integrity at Seventy-Two Percent. Jet Combat Readiness is at Thirty-Four Percent."

"How much would it go up if we loaded full weapons?"

The computer whirred again, and then Bonnie's voice came back through the speakers. "Estimated Jet Combat Readiness will stand at approximately Sixty-Nine Percent."

Josh would have rubbed his temples, but his helmet would have stopped that for the umpteenth time. "Bonnie. Factor in combat skill of both Orange Lightning and myself, plus all available equipment against one ERG."

"Calculating. Cannot display result. Lack of usable data."

"So great. I can't even run a simulation. FUCK!"

* * *

"You know, Uzu would love being the teacher of an all-girls class, but I have no idea how I would cope if my students walked in on me like that. Well, I wouldn't, considering the fact that I've never had one survive my entrance trials…"

"I still don't know, Naruto-san."

"Anyway. We had better saw some logs. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be an exhausting day."

"Just one more round. I have to ensure the safety of my students."

Naruto shrugged. "It's up to you. I'm not the one the size of a carrot."

Negi cracked a smile. "You look like one though, Naruto-san."

The blond stared at him for a second before chuckling. "Nice. But come on. I'm getting tired."

Just as they rounded another corner, Negi noticed a statue in their way. Naruto noticed it as well, but merely let it go as someone redecorating a room at night.

"Hey, Negi. That statue seems…"

"Hai. Almost life-like. I wonder…"

As they rounded another corner, Negi stopped and poked his head in at the room in which the rest of the students were staying. What he saw shocked him. "N-Nani?"

Naruto instantly lost all signs of sleep, drawing a kunai and holding it at the ready faster then Negi could keep track of. "Get behind me. He hissed as he poked an eye into the room, and seeing nothing, made a shadow clone, which slipped inside.

"Just… stone statues? Wait a second. Is that Paru and Nodoka?" Without a second thought, he slid the door open and charged inside, sword drawn.

Nothing. Not even a mouse.

"Naruto-san! Over here!"

Naruto regretfully looked at the petrified girls, then rushed back out of the room towards Negi's voice. When he rounded the corner again, he saw Eishun, halfway petrified already.

"I found him like this…" The mage said quietly. "There's nothing I can do… Can't you-"

"No." Naruto shook his head firmly. "Reverse Petrifaction is tricky at best, and if I don't do it right, the surrounding six miles would be turned into radioactive sludge, so I'm not going to try it. Josh would bitch at me nonstop if that happened."

"Quickly... I have to tell you something."

Naruto waved him off. "I know, I know. Avenge your death, take care of your daughter, be careful. Am I right?"

"No, I want you to painfully avenge my death, take very good care of my daughter, and be reckless. Negi, tell my father-in-law and daughter… that I'm sorry…"

With that, the rest of him turned to stone, and moved no more.

Naruto quickly drew a seal and tapped it with a toe. "There. That should keep him from breaking. Now, quickly. We've got to get to the others before they get turned to stone too."

Negi nodded and they took off, a delayed spell ready on the mage's lips, Rasengan never too far from Naruto's palm.

* * *

"Bring her down… Slowly… Slowly… Slowly… And… there we go. Good job, Bonnie. I'll get you a cookie later."

"No, thanks!" she replied in her usual sarcastic tone. "Those things are dirty! I don't know where they've been before you picked them up!"

"Oh, quit complaining! I'll load the missiles, and we'll go back on patrol. Goddamned Takamichi really threw off my plans…"

As Josh scrambled off to his portable supply chest, rummaging around for missiles, Bonnie powered up the Jet's passive scanners and took a quick look around before turning them off again.

After being fired at countless times in Mainland China, Josh had opted for a more dangerous route home. Instead of flying at altitude, he dialed in as low a distance as he could and opened the afterburners, sending them both back home without attracting any unwanted attention.

"Missiles… Missiles… Missiles… Ah! Here we go. Anti-aircraft, Anti-ship, Anti-tank, Anti-cake… Huh… I forgot I still had those…"

"Josh… We've got trouble inbound."

The aforementioned swordsman walked back from the chest, carrying large quantity of missiles in his arms, replied almost immediately. "Report."

"Passive sensors have indicated a large energy spike in the direction of Kyoto. Initial readings say that they do not belong to Naruto."

"That's good enough for me. Anything on the JSDF?"

As she searched the skies with her limited sensors, Josh managed to haul several more dozen missiles over to the jet, loaded them, wired, them, and clicked the manual safety off.

"The JSDF is on high alert after our tricks over Guam and Australia. You should be able to make it in roughly fifteen minutes, if you wish to stay unnoticed on radar."

Josh shook his head. "What is up with the stealth layer? It really seems to be breaking down."

"Unknown."

"Hypothesize."

Bonnie whirred in his mind, dumping excess heat as she also worked on the Jet and its sensors. "The last battle may have damaged the coating. I would recommend a reapplication."

"Well," He muttered as he loaded two Bunker Busters, "I would, but time is kinda against me right now. We've got to get to Kyoto ASAP. Plot stealth course."

"Affirmative. Plot weapons drop as well?"

"Aye. Just gotta secure the last of the Bunker Busters, load the cannon, and we're ready to- Eva, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"What's it look like, you overgrown Cro-Magnon? I'm here to get to Kyoto."

"But you're a vampire! You can just fly-"

"And that's why I'm here. To catch a ride."

Josh didn't like that smile. Too many times he had seen it, only to have somebody stab him in the back five minutes later. "What about the curse?"

Eva waved it off. "Don't worry about that. Besides, I'm just using your plane as a booster. It _is_ rather draining to travel by shadow over that sort of distance…"

"All right. You can ride. But this is a two-seater. I don't have room for Chachamaru, unless she has stealth protocols to avoid radar detection. I'm running skimpy as is."

"She'll hang on to one of your missiles."

"Yes, Master."

The swordsman rolled his eyes. "All right, but if the warhead goes off, you're paying for my jet and I'm not responsible for any damages."

"Fine." She said, after a brief moment's hesitation.

"Right. We have a deal. Now, do you know how to strap yourself into a jet?"

* * *

Naruto parried a hit from Setsuna as they turned yet _another_ corner, this time actually putting a chip in her sword and breaking Naruto's kunai.

"Well, gee, Setsuna! You didn't have to hit _that_ hard!"

She didn't say anything, instead, turning around and pounding toward another room. The one that Konoka was staying in.

Not bothering to knock, Naruto overtook her and kicked the door down. The master of the place was petrified, so he was in no shape to complain about property damage. What they found was quite disturbing to Negi, through Uzu kinda liked it.

Konoka had been picked up by a mysterious youth, who also had Asuna tied up with water tentacles, all of which were tickling her.

"Suiton: Suiryudan no Jutsu!"

The water dragon blew through the tentacles, and by the time the water finally settled, Naruto had drawn his own sword and charged at the youth, which was now trying to fend off the blond's attacks with a short sword of his own, and doing a great job at it as well.

Every time Naruto made a slash, the boy made a perfect counter. Every time the blond stabbed, the youth would lean just enough to dodge, and immediately go on the offensive, forcing his opponent to waste more energy to go back on the offensive.

As Negi ran over to see if the girls were unhurt, the youth sent Naruto flying with a well-aimed kick, grabbed Konoka, and phased through the floor, the blond just a split second too late with another counter.

* * *

"Josh. We've got high-speed bandits inbound. Vector One-Nine-Zero. Six miles."

"Activate the rear-mounted cannon. Open fire when within range. Do not deviate from flight plan, repeat, do not deviate from flight plan."

"Oi! Is this piece of junk really safe to fly in?"

Josh reached back over and tapped the Vampire's helmet. "Of course it's safe! I keep this baby maintained and ready for combat every month! I would do it more often, but I'm too lazy. Right. We're eight miles outside Kyoto. Stand by for-"

"Warning! Inbound projectile! Profile does not match any known weapon! Evade!"

"Actually. Make that another five minutes. I'll get these bastards first…"

"Hang on… wait a seccooonndddddd!" The vampire screamed as Josh pulled into a High-G climb, avoiding the two trailing blobs."

* * *

Naruto jumped from the top of the temple, heading toward the Hiraishin seal that he had managed to place on the youth during their brief clash. This was no time to fool around. Anyone who could kick him off and disappear so quickly was a dangerous person. Dangerous enough to call Josh in for backup.

"Josh. You there?"

Nothing for a second, then a burst of static and swearing. "_Go ahead, Naruto. Problem on your end?_"

"You could say that. Ran into a guardian over here. Got away from me. This guy's not a mole, he's good."

"_How good?_"

Naruto landed, surging ahead of Setsuna and Negi, who were both trailing him by a considerable distance. "Full-body petrifaction. Got most of the temple. Including a Guardian."

"_Wait, what? He petrified a Guardian? That's-_"

"I know. Mid-Class A at the least. If he is a Rogue Guardian, that would put him on par with an ERG."

"_Nacht. Do NOT engage that guy, whatever you do. Wait for my help. I'm fighting something up here, and I'm not sure what it is._"

"Negative, major. The target has kidnapped one of the students, the Dean's Granddaughter. Could you imagine the shit we would get if we don't get her back?"

Static feedback came back through the radio as Josh sighed. "_Roger that, Nacht. Just be careful. Remember, that body is less durable then one of those Chakra Clones you're used to. Put the idiot back on._"

"Roger that."

"Yo. What's up?"

"_Naruto. You know better then I do that Nacht isn't the kind of personality to use when rescuing someone. He has a tendency to be overly destructive._"

"And you're not?" Naruto replied incredulously, rubbing his sore chest where the youth had kicked him.

"_Touché. But seriously. Don't engage that kid. I'll help out as soon as- OH SHIT! Can't talk! Gotta go!_"

"Fucking hypocrite."

"… What did Josh do now?"

Naruto sighed as he drew his sword, quickly inspecting it for major damage. "Josh called Nacht overly destructive."

"… Fucking hypocrite indeed."

* * *

"The hell is he thinking, using Nacht for recovery? Last time we tried that, there wasn't much left of the target."

"AHHHHH! SLOW DOWN!"

"Not a chance, chibi. Hang on. Engaging Ramjets, heaters online and linked to IR Sensor, target all hostiles. Bon-bon?"

"Affirmative. Ramjets engaging smoothly. Safe throttling in current atmosphere density capable of Mach 4.76. Closing turbofan intake vents. Missiles online, targets acquired. Awaiting further orders."

"Perfect. Activate NewDawn Mark XVI Internal Antigravity System, set to negative/positive twenty Gees. Copilot seat set to same as well. Activate all alpha bracing units and ready the VTOL engine for pulse firings."

"Done. Awaiting further orders."

"Acquire new targets and keep an eye on the ammo. Bring out the 30mm cannons, ready the 40mm, 90mm, and 120mm for immediate firing."

"Done. Awaiting-"

Josh flicked down another visor in his HUD, overriding everything but his vitalities. "SILVER SWORDSMAN, ENGAGING!"

* * *

"… Hey, look. Shooting stars…"

"Is now really the time to be looking at shooting stars? We're surrounded, as you kindly told me."

Indeed they were.

As the two rapidly charged toward the growing energy source, flaring their own energy to give Josh a rough estimate of where they were, demons had appeared all around them. Summoned beings.

That brings us to the present.

"… fine… fine… I really like those things."

"Fiery Rasenshuriken on three. THREE!"

"… Seriously? Fine… fine. Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu."

"DAMNIT, UZU! MORE FEELING! LIKE THIS! FUTON: RASENSHURIKEN!"

The flaming shuriken cut a nice swath through the demons and detonated next to the student-teacher trio fighting, buffeting them severely.

"WATCH IT!" Setsuna roared as a couple of her wing feathers roasted in the heat.

"Ah, gomen, gomen. That thing is hard to aim…" Naruto apologized as he landed next to the group, sword in one hand, Rasengan in the other. Uzu did the same a few seconds later, grumbling about people with fast legs.

"… You know I can't keep up with you when to do that."

"Yeah, well…" Naruto hit a demon that got too close with a shuriken, causing it to dissipate. "Negi. Go rescue your student."

"Are you sure? There's an awful lot of demons here, Naruto-san."

The said blond rolled his eyes and raised the Rasengan. "That's what this is for. I'll give you a distraction, then you get over to that site. I don't like the energy from that place. Reminds me too much of a bijuu unsealing. Uzu! Another Fiery Rasenshuriken!" He called over to his copy, who sighed resignedly. "I'll clear a path for you. The rest, you're on your own."

"Arigato, Naruto-san. Now, when are you going to-"

"THREE! FUTON! RASENSHURIKEN!"

"… Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu."

"FUCKING, you know what? Fuck this. Uzu, either you show some enthusiasm, or you're going back and I'm putting Ki in your place."

"Meh. I can't be bothered."

The two would have continued their squabble were it not for the demons surrounding them tapping them on the shoulder.

"What?"

"Uhh, not that we really want to, but since we've been summoned here, we might as well complete our contract. Are you ready to fight?"

Naruto smiled, raised one hand, formed a Rasengan, and whacked one of the demon's brethren in the gut. "I'm always ready for a fight. Uzu? ER Rasengans."

"… If you insist…"

* * *

"Fox Two! Splash Three! Target number growing."

Josh didn't reply, instead pulling another Split S, diving back into the flock, cannons blazing and wide-focus missiles detonating. For every demon that poofed into smoke from being hit, two sprung up to take their place. It seemed as though whoever was controlling them had power to spare. Too much power.

So far, nothing serious had happened to the Jet, but two demons had managed to get their claws briefly on the wingtips, tearing off small strips of the winglets. Course, if they did too much damage, the resulting nuclear fireball would envelop the flying creatures, with Josh escaping unharmed due to his armor.

Of course, he didn't this to happen. These things happened to be extremely expensive, and funds were still low after building the _Strife_.

Josh gritted his teeth, flicked two switches to activate suspension, then fired off a twin burst of the 120mm cannons, clearing a huge swath of demons from his flight path.

"Bonnie! Engage Platform Mode! Activate all weapons, sans Bunker Busters and the Core Cannon, get me a lock on to all targets via Radar and IR, ping when ready!"

As Josh spoke, the jet's rear engines flicked out and retracted, eliminating one more attack vector, with the VTOL engine on full throttle, let loose all seven cannons, then twirled around, aiming toward the horde of incoming demons.

The ping came through.

"HELLFIRE BARRAGE VARIANT JP3, LAUNCH!"

* * *

Naruto dissolved another demon, the Rasengan fizzling as the energy within was finally depleted. "Uzu?"

"… I'm out as well. And there are still an awful lot of demons."

"Right. Bullet Rasengan."

"… Are you serious? We just finished ER Rasengans. And now-"

"Initial Guardian Art: Bullet Rasengan!"

"… I'm never gonna get a break, am I?"

"Shut up and keep firing."

`… Right, boss."

* * *

"Autocannon Ammunition depleted. AA Missiles running low."

"Fuuuuuuuuck. Hey, Chibi! You still alive back there?"

"Arrrrrrrrrgggg. I think I'm airsick…"

"Yep," Josh mused as he turned back to the horde of demons. "Still alive. Bonnie. Give me the best possible course of action, sans the Bunker Buster and Core Cannon, if possible. Busters first, Cannon's secondary."

"Running Simulation. Simulation finished. One Bunker Buster Mark VIII on wide focus will neutralize Ninety-Five percent of all hostiles."

"Good. Prep the smallest Bunker Buster for firing. Don't want too much excess energy floating around."

"Preparation complete. Awaiting firing code and orders."

Josh rapidly punched in a code, looked back into the backseat, and grinned evilly. "You might want to put those on." He said, pointing at a pair of frilly pink earmuffs that appeared from a slot.

Eva looked disgusted, prodding them gingerly. "Ugh. Why pink?"

The swordsman shrugged as he turned back around, punching in commands to undo the remainder of the safeties. "My armor protects me from all but the absolute worse shockwaves. The only person who might ride shotgun when I might use a Bunker Buster or a Core Cannon would be my cousin. Those are hers, in case you're curious. As for the color, I haven't got the foggiest clue. She actually prefers blue. Reminds her of Naruto's eyes."

As he continued to punch in information, he continued to speak. "Even if you are immortal, regrowing the inner ear is a major pain in the ass. So unless you want to be staggering around like a drunk chimp for the next fifteen minutes, I recommend that you put those on."

She gingerly slipped them on, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh. What's that _repulsive_ smell?"

Josh shrugged as he kept on undoing more of the defenses. "Not sure. Can't smell it myself, but I would guess that that's the stench of a hyper-rabid fangirl."

"Your cousin is a _fangirl_!"

"Yep. Naruto's biggest. Scares the shit out of him every time she gets near. Anyway, _finally_ got all the safeties undone. You might want to press down a bit."

Without further warning, Josh punched in a final command sequence, then let go of the controls as Bonnie took over, fired microadjustments, then launched the Bunker Buster down toward the horde of flapping demons, the shockwave shattering every pane of unreinforced glass for a fifty mile radius.

"BOOM! SUCKAS!"

"Enemy numbers increasing again. Energy input projected to be sixty percent greater then last time."

"SONOFABITCH!"

* * *

"… Did you hear something?"

Naruto facepalmed, almost impaling himself with a couple of Bullet Rasengan. "I know you're lazy, but are you deaf as well now?"

"… Boss. It's called sarcasm. Oh, hey look. Hi, Mr. Demon. Bye, Mr. Demon."

"Right. What the hell is Josh firing off Bunker Busters for?"

"… Maybe he's busting a bunker?"

Naruto snorted as he took out another dozen demons. "Don't be stupid, Uzu. He's _never _actually used one of those things to take out a bunker before."

"… Then why does he call it a Bunker Buster?"

"Because," The original stated as he kicked another demon out of existence, "If he called it what he actually used it for, he would spend half an hour spouting nonsense. And Man-Portable Planet Busters are generally frowned upon by the board. Harder to get funding for something designed to destroy planets that isn't mounted on a warship."

"… Huh. I didn't know that."

"You don't know jack shit. Get back to killing demons."

"… Hai… Hai..."

* * *

"We have company."

"Well, way to state the FUCKING OBVIOUS, CHIBI!"

"Non-nuclear fuel near complete depletion. Estimated sixty-four seconds remaining until depletion. All AA Munitions depleted. Core Cannon Charge at seventy-two percent. Awaiting orders."

"Fuck this shit. Open up the orbital engines and put the shield to full operational strength. Time to go Roman."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Bonnie. We're gonna start ramming."

* * *

"BAN-KAI!"

"… Uhh, boss. You don't have a Zanpakuto. And that's copy-"

"QUIT BREAKING DOWN THE FOURTH-"

"WHEEEEE!"

"The hell?"

"… Josh forgot to turn off his external speakers again, didn't he?"

"Yep… Yep… Ah, crap. Negi's gotten himself surrounded again."

"… Do I have to?"

"Well, that, or I'll go fetch Ki."

"… I'll do it."

"Good doggie. Now-"

Naruto yelped as something hot hit the top of his head. Spent shell casings, after being thrown from Josh's cannon, were finally coming down and hitting the ground. Considering the fact that they were ejected at speeds high enough to semi-melt them, they were still hot. Extremely so.

"OW! FUCK! THAT'S IT! INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: TAJUU KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

* * *

"Energy spike detected at ground level. Signature matches that of Orange Lightning's Super Bullet Rasengan Barrage III. Inbound projectiles."

"Level III already? Jesus, have a little patience, Naruto."

"Crowd thinning. Number of enemies has dropped forty percent. Generation has fallen below dissipation. Movement indicates that enemies are refocusing on Naruto. However, Class Nine Energy Spike Detected. Unsealing processes suggest a mid-level bijuu."

"FUUUUUUUUUCK!"

* * *

"Sagitta-"

"Look out, Sensei!"

"… No need."

Uzu jumped between the preteen and the lunging demon, stabbing down with twin kunai, taking out the demon. "… Don't get too comfy. I'm here on boss's orders, and I'll leave on his. Although…" He jerked a thumb at the mix of kneeling and standing orange teens, "Looks like he won't need my help. Super Bullet Rasengan Barrage… devastating against large numbers."

As the flashes of blue starting going up, the copy raised an eyebrow, all the while taking out demons. "…Level III? God, I wonder what died in his ramen. Right. I won't ask. Oh, hey, look. A really big demon."

"Look at the size of that thing! We don't stand a chance!"

"… Oh. I thought it was just another big demon. Well, can't power up without permission from either of them. So I'll just continue to take out small fry."

"YOU'RE JOKING!"

"… Nope. Now, if you'll excuse me."

The trio stared as Uzu hopped nimbly from place to place, stabbing demons and yawning as he did so. They then turned back to the demon. "Ah… we're in trouble."

"WELL, NO NEED TO TELL US, YOU RAT!"

* * *

"Demon Classification confirmed. Yonbi, Offensive Type C. Estimated Power Level, Two Hundred Fifty Million. Proceed with Caution."

Josh sat there, staring down at the raging demon before responding crisply. "Alright. Here's the plan. Get ahold of the real idiot and tell him to join me. I want one of your fragments to follow us in the jet and drop the Bunker Busters on my command. Proceed immediately to a safe distance for shielding. Naruto and I are going to be powering up for something this big, and I don't feel like replacing all of the electronics _again_."

"Understood. What should I do with the baggage?"

"HEY! I HAVE A NAME, YOU STUPID ROBOT!"

Bonnie didn't bother replying, instead ejecting the rear compartment of the jet into the night sky, ignoring the screamed curses. "Stupid bitch."

"Well, you didn't have to eject her. That's just one more thing that she's gonna bitch at _me_ at."

"You asked for it."

Josh sighed as he popped the hatch, diving toward the demon, combat knife and sidearm drawn for any stray demons that might try to take a potshot at him. He couldn't say anything. He knew that his AI was right. Yet again.

* * *

"Naruto. Please respond."

The blond growled as he deactivated one finger long enough to press his flimsy headset. "Yes?"

"Josh is about to power up and take down a Yonbi. He has requested-"

"Tell him to go plant his asshole on one of those hugeass shells that he just threw down at me. Then I'll go help him."

* * *

"Is that so? Well, tell him that it was his fault for standing underneath me."

* * *

"Fuck him!"

* * *

"Indeed. Well, tell him I'm straight-"

* * *

"NOT THAT WAY!"

* * *

"Well then, which way-"

"RASENGAN!"

Josh caught the spiraling ball and threw him back. "About time you got here. Hey… why is there molten metal in your hair? Going for a new look?"

If looks could have killed Guardians, Josh would have been dead a LONG time ago, but Naruto continued to glare at him. "Your Molten Shells?"

"I thought you were kidding…"

They both dodged a huge jet of light that vaporized two clouds on the way up. "Let's take care of him first. Then I'll laugh at your hair."

* * *

Author's Note:

Yo. Sorry i didn't update this quickly, but college apps are starting to get on me, as well as my 4 APs and 3 hyperdifficult courses.

Still rewriting Timeless as i speak, but it might wind up to be a little longer, as i JUST got to Chapter III.

Wow, embarassing how much i've changed since then.

Till next time,

Xingster


End file.
